dear ada

Last month I found out that one of my favoritest blogs ever, dear ada, was, sadly, posting it's last post. Sadly for me, that is, since this gem of a blog has been such an inspiration to me over the last few years. It really was my introduction to the world of art-on-the-internet, to this fabulous community that has spread out and has been changing the way artists make their names, reputations and careers, and share their work with others, and also in the way that the average person is now able to be an art lover and follower and instantaneously see works they'd ordinarily not have access to. This was the first time that I realized that the game is changing for artists, and gave me hope with my burgeoning desire to return to art myself, the idea that maybe I didn't have to go back to school to get a degree and toil for years as a starving artist hoping to someday gain gallery reputation, so as to be a "real artist".

The thing that kept me coming back to dear ada, time and again, was the way that Birdie accompanied each post with the sweetest, most genuine and encouraging words for each artist she featured on her blog. For example when she says things like, Hello reason for heart to sing. Hello wonderful art... How can you not love someone who says this!?  She shared wonderful work that really expanded my perception of art. I would often follow links to the artist's gallery pages and marvel at their work for hours. Birdie is moving on to pursue her own art again, the inspiration she shared with the world these past 5 years having inspired herself! I wish Birdie all the luck in the world, and, I will truly miss her. Her goodbye post is sprinkled with pictures of some beautiful artwork that I believe is her own, and not to be missed because it is really lovely.

I just found out that she's decided to keep things going over on tumblr, I'm so glad that she'll still be sharing her discoveries! And the dear ada blog appears to be left up as an archive for the time being, so you can visit if you've missed out on all her goodies through the years.

Here is a roundup of some of my favorite dear ada posts, just a quick roundup because there are so, so many artworks she featured that I absolutely adored!

Ian O'Phelan, whose photo below I cannot stop thinking about, what I wouldn't give to design a textile like this one!

Raymond Saunders, whose portfolio I drooled over for for at least an hour after seeing him on dear ada!

Jennifer Bain and her beautiful monotype collages.

Fiona Watson, who makes the coolest, most interesting, now-why-didn't-I-think-of-that assemblages that she then photographs and posts on flickr.

And finally, because I really just can't help myself, several collage artist whos work I'm all jealous of and wish their work was in my own portfolio: fred free, anna wolf, tods2tods here and here, peter kupas, elad lassry, waterhalo here and here, katy murphy, and silvia cordero vega.

So many things to do. Not knowing what to do.

Do you know that feeling? Having so many ideas, so many things in progress, so many things nagging at the back of your minds that you need to find time to do someday, a total abundance of things to do. And not being able to pick one? Which one is the best thing to work on now, in this moment? How to choose??? This scenario stops me every time. Makes it hard to step away from the computer to get to work. Makes me want to clean my apartment, which I hate doing, to avoid the choosing. Sometimes even makes it hard to get out of bed in the morning.

Even with an extra day in which to get stuff done. Today, thanks to my back (bad back!), I'm at home and therefore have another day away from the job in which to get my personal stuff done. Do you think I've done anything yet? It's a little after noon and so far all I've done is sleep in really late and catch up on one of my favorite blogs. Oh, and run my little brain around in circles trying to decide what to do with this extra free time. Sometimes it makes me wonder: the workaholic syndrome we seem to have here in the U.S., could it be because people know what to do at their jobs, and by continually rerouting their focus to work they can avoid the things in their personal lives they don't know how to deal with?

Wonderings aside, since that's not really what I came here to say - Yes, there are lots of things I want to work on today. I just can't seem to get to them, and this has been going on for a couple of weekends now. (I'm not counting the weekday evenings, because I'm often so exhausted after the job that I'm completely ineffective in my personal life.) So much I want to do: the new artworks I have ideas for, the works already in progress that I need to finish, the organizational things I want to do to get my act together, the plans for opening an etsy store that I need to work on, the half-drafted blog posts that I haven't finished, all these things that are just vague ideas flitting around in my head that I need to grab onto and get to work on. Like all these things are on one side of the river, and I'm on the other, thinking that it's too difficult to get to the other side (even though I have this suspicion that the way across is quick and so obvious that I can't even see it. It is obvious, isn't it?)

moving forward with each tiny step

Did you happen to read my last post? Yes, the one that I was in such a rush to write that I didn't even give it a title? If not, please read it now... I really did hit that publish button and close the browser window as quickly as I could, my heart racing just a little bit... Learning to take definitive action and not overthink things to death all the time! But in baby steps.

That action-taking is definitely something that I struggle with, that I need to work on actually doing more often. This is, I know, one of the major stumbling blocks I have to getting myself where I want to be.

I tend to work better under a deadline. Not that I like being under a deadline, mind you - I'd rather not have all that stress, my anxiety meter goes off the charts way too quickly to be comfortable working under the gun, so to speak, but I can't deny it's power as a motivator. Nothing like lighting a fire under my ass to actually get me off my procrastinating behind. I should probably look for a better way to motivate myself that's kinder to my nervous system, maybe by using one of Havi's techniques?

In lieu of any self-imposed deadlines, I haven't been painting much lately. Or collaging, at all. Until last week that is, when I was scrambling for a birthday present to give my mom, and I decided 3 days before the day to paint her something! An impossible task? Nearly so, I managed to finish a seascape for her (not in time for the day we celebrated her birthday, but it was in her hands before the actual day). And these pictures are it! Here's the finished piece, a 6 inch x 12 inch acrylic on panel:

I got so into this painting that I didn't want it to be done - so I carried the theme over to a mini-panel, this one is a tiny 3 inch x 3 inch piece. And I have lots of ideas floating around in my head for a series of paintings based on the lines in this one. Time permitting... and a fire to keep me going!

I'm gonna just say it here, I know bloggers are not really supposed to apologize for their lack of posts (because it's boring and nobody cares, etc.), but I am sorry that I've been so sporadic here with my posts, and even with thanking people for their comments, because that is not why I came to start a blog, after all! I wanted to get better at expressing myself, to find other people out here that I could "click" with, share some of my art and my journey trying to become a more creative person, and it's myself that I am really disappointing here.

Is it ok for me to mention how shy I am in real life? Somehow I thought that online would be easier (protection, right? being semi-invisible and all that). Thought for some reason, that I could talk about my issues without showing any vulnerabilities, like "oh here I had this problem, and I solved it, la-dee-da everything is perfect now". And I really didn't want to be pessimistic here as I am way too pessimistic in real life, and would like to change that - partially by being more positive in my writing here. Except, trying to be this way is actually inhibiting me from wanting to write anything at all.

And you know what? I'm really not doing myself or anybody else any good by trying to hide my imperfections and struggles, am I? Hell, I am shy and quirky and have a strange sense of humor sometimes and I should really own that, shouldn't I? Hey, I also get hurt really easily, have plenty of down days and think that the world could be doing a much better job of being the place where we all spend our days. Not sure where my thoughts are going with that, but it's all a part of what's in me. I am a multi-faceted person, just as I know that everybody out there are multi-faceted people, whether they realize it or not, and show it or not.

So tell me something, because I have this idea that despite all the self-help culture out there, it is still really hard for us to be and to show who we really are to everyone we meet. Tell me, do you find this to be true? Do you know anyone who unapologetically owns who they are, all the facets of their selves? Do you own your me-ness? Do you share the best of your best self only with those people you know really well and trust? Or are you, like me, still just learning who you really are and how to be authentic?

This has all been pretty stream-of-conscious for me, maybe all the journaling I've been doing lately is helping me with that. And so I am just going to post this, without really editing it (ok, other than correcting spelling because I hate to misspell), without giving myself the time to reflect or chicken out of saying anything I've typed out here, I'm gonna just hit Publish and be ok with it, imprefections and all....

I am a work in progress...

And lately I've been trying a little more to figure myself out. Have you heard of the 21.5.800 project started by Bindu Wiles? I'm not sure but I think it's just ended, in fact I heard of it a few days after it started and I've been doing the yoga and daily writing on my own - not online, not following along with anyone else who's participating. I hear people have been twittering it up, but I've been interested in the heart of it, the personal and internal practice of journaling and being aware of one's own movement.

The writing has been whatever was on my mind when I sat down at the page, so it's helped me work through some stuff and also shown me how much I normally avoid the stuff I need to work through. I wonder how many other people have discovered the same thing about themselves? About a week in, this freewriting was bringing up so much of my stuff that I cried every evening for three days straight - tears that have been held back for awhile because my normal modus operandi when upset is to distract myself so I don't have to think about it. Did you know writing it out when you're upset helps you get through the moment? I didn't, but I'm glad to say I know that now.

Maybe at some point some of the things I've written will be brought here to share with you all. Or perhaps new things I write, since I don't intend to stop. The yoga and writing have been cleansing for body and mind - and there is more work for me to do! But for now I'll leave you with a quote from one of Bindu's best posts from her writing for the project:

Let go. Believe in who you really are. Open up. Expand. Start the new chapter–both at the desk and inside your own mind.

Almost-Half-Dozen Paintings

As promised, here are the best of the paintings from my Dozen Artworks Challenge... 

Strangely enough, I thought I'd end up relying on more collage than I did in these pieces. Of course there are plenty of collaged elements represented here in these multi-media works. They each have something glued in them, some are just hidden a lot better than others...

These, my 5 favorites, to me seem to have so much energy - be so lively. Maybe you agree, maybe not? Tell me, what do you think of these pieces? Do they come across as strong or as trying-too-hard? Energetic or overworked? Do you prefer images that have a lot going on, or ones that are calmer and more focused?

What a month and a holiday weekend can do...

The long holiday weekend here in the US is really over, regular life is settling back in along with the rush-hour traffic. Did you have a good weekend? - I hope you did! Mine was a mixture of some good and some bad (but hey, that is life as always, right?)

The Good: Extra time off from work. The day job had a company event on Thursday, so no real working that day, then Friday we only had to work for half the day. Off on Monday for Memorial Day. Always good to have some time off from the j-o-b... Made for what seemed a nice chunk of time away from the work stress :)

The Bad: Allergy season from Hell is still in effect, we're having a bad one here in the Bay Area this year. Eyes are so itchy and sometimes feel like I'm breathing through mud. Like maybe walking through mud too, because it's damn tiring, battling these allergens!

The Good: 5 new paintings now completed that I'm really happy with. Yay! These were part of my Dozen Painting Self-Challenge, and I think that 5 strong pieces out of 12 is a really good ratio (especially considering that 3 are still unfinished, and just might stay that way).

So. I committed to a making a dozen small paintings in a month. How did that turn out?

Well, I spent a little more than a month working on them actually, and as I mentioned before I didn't exaclty finish. But, I did learn a lot, which is exactly what I was hoping for.

The interesting thing about this little challenge / experiment is that it somehow allowed me to try lots of things that I ordinarily wouldn't have, for fear that it wouldn't work out and I'd ruin what I was working on. Counterintuitive perhaps, because you would think - wouldn't you? - that needing a certain number of painting completed would make you try even harder not to mess any up? But, I found that having multiple (and I do mean multiple) pieces in progress at the same time somehow freed me to be more experimental than normal. Because hey, if this one doesn't work out, there are still 4 or 7 others that I'm working on too, so it'll all be ok.

Another thing I discovered is the style that my work is evolving into. For example, I like to have a lot going on in a piece, throughout the canvas, and not have everything in the background fade away to highlight one solitary focal point. I like to give the viewer something to see wherever their eyes may wander across the canvas. I mean, I knew I really wasn't a minimalist at heart, much as I can appreciate that aesthetic, but I was surprised at just how busy I like my compositions to be.

I wanted to share some pictures with you, but the ones I took the other day were blurry. Photography skills definitely need some improvement here! But you can see two of my favorites in my last post. I'll be back in a couple of days with more lessons learned during this last month of painting, and more pictures of these colorful creations!