On Seeking Commitment

I was just reading an article on tinybuddha about the things that hold us back from our dreams. This part really stood out for me:
But if you don’t know what you’re committed to, you can’t possibly progress. A great start is to ask yourself, “What is the one thing that would upset me if, at the end of my life, I do not attempt, do, or complete?”....If there’s an immediate answer, you must commit to that.
The reason why this gave me pause, is because I asked myself this question a year and a half ago, and I got my answer. There is one thing that if I were on my deathbed I would not be able to forgive myself for never attempting, and that is making art. Not the kind of dabblings that I've been doing in my free time - I want the opportunity to immerse myself in art making, expand my abilities and develop my style. I want a lengthy chunk of time to dedicate myself to the process and to have a converation with the work.

And so I know what I want, and yet I am still blocked. It is incredibly frustrating that I still have to deal with the realities of the world, making a living and all the mundane aspects of life, when all I want to do is lock myself and my supplies into a studio for the next 6 months. Just to see what I'd be able to do. Whether or not I fail, or can create anything meaningful. I just want the chance!

So why is it that I continually fail to commit fully to my dream? Is it because I don't like the circumstances under which I must carry forth determination? Why am I still seeking that which I should already have? These are the questions I'm asking myself.... And I need to stop avoiding them.

This is part one of a two-part posting - I intend to come back (with my answers to the above questions!) next week, so stay tuned. In the meantime, please feel free to share your feelings about commitment or progress here in the comments... I'm fascinated by people how people overcome their stumbling blocks... maybe we can encourage each other!

Photo above from Studio Antwan on flickr


  1. Christy, it sounds like you are an artist! An artist cannot make the longing to create go away. There is no escape, it is a part of them! I hope that you find a way to make it more a part of your life. Maybe even start in baby steps? Like a night class, and then let it grow from there.


  2. I sooo identify with what you write here in this post. This feeling of frustration is the 1st step towards creation. And I have to share this quote with you "And the day came, when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful
    than the risk it took to blossom."-Anais Nin.
    So great stick with the feeling. And Like Kaili said- baby steps is the name of the game. Give yourself a deadline. Say a week- and pull out that sketchbook & put in your rough ideas/sketches for what could later become a canvas. Step 2 could be- drawing in the skelatals or outline onto the canvas. So really break it down. And do one small easy thing at a time. You sound like you are really serious about it- so dont worry- It will happen because you will do it :)