Reverb10: Why lack of time is not the real problem. It's brain fog.

At first I didn't really think today's Reverb prompt was meant for me. "What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing - and can you eliminate it?"  I don't really consider myself to be a writer despite this blog. My reaction was, I'm an artist. What gets in the way of my painting is much more important than the writing. But then I realized that this prompt was from the Zen Habits guy, and since Leo's pretty smart, maybe I should see where this answer would lead me.

Which was here: Brain fog. All the clutter in my brain that makes it hard to think sometimes. Maybe more often than sometimes. That makes me want to not think.

And even though I sometimes feel the brain fog clear when I write, this clarity doesn't happen always, or even half the time. So even though it would be cool to say "the problem and the solution are one and the same!" - no. I don't get off that easily. This is not a closed circuit.

The largest factor in my resistance to writing is my perceived lack of time. Whenever I've tried writing-every-day challenges, it's great at first, and I can feel my load being lightened, however slightly. But, it never lasts. And that is because during the challenge I've put off other things in order to make time for writing. And the putting-things-off is not a long-term solution. And I eventually freak out over the stuff on the back burner. About not getting a million and one things accomplished. About not having unlimited hours in a day.

I know what you're thinking: But you said "brain fog" was the problem, and here you're talking about time.

True, I did say that. And here's why.

What happens when I think there's not enough time, is my brain starts to fog up. Too much of my memory gets taken up by trying to hold in my head little bits & pieces of info about the things I want to get done. Remember! You have to do this! And that! Hurry, so you don't forget! And I can see that clearly not all of this is going to happen in one day. Heck, it might not even happen in one month. And then my brain kind of...freezes. I get stuck. I can't decide what to do first. I can't figure out what actions will have the best immediate effects, or longer lasting effects, or set up the next actions to be more efficient, and which of these things are more important. And so what fills my head is omg, what am I gonna do, this isn't working. And, fog. No clarity. This is not the kind of mental state best suited to creating anything, be it writing, painting, or even cooking dinner. Oh no! Because I can't afford that kind of time when there are all these things to do!

So no, it's not the limited nature of time that is my problem, but in how I react to that limitedness.

Which is by freezing into a big foggy block of stuck.

And this is not limited to writing, it applies to pretty much everything. Which suddenly make so much sense. So, a big thank you to Leo Babauta, the author of today's #reverb10 prompt, for posing a question about one thing that sneakily allows me to find the answer to so many things I've been struggling with.
 
And you know what I think will help to eliminate this? Awareness of what's going on inside my head when I'm like this. It's not going to get me all the way there, but you can't fix a problem until you know it exists. This is something I will need to mull over more. Perhaps with a mug of cocoa.
 
Photo credit: AM Fog by Peter Roome (lakewentworth on Flickr)

Reverb10: One Word

My oh my, what have I gotten myself into? Committed to a daily writing project that already has me stumped, that's what! Narrowing things down has never been my strong suit. Ask my what's my favorite, I'll tell you two or three. Ask me for a top ten list, I'll throw in a few extra for good measure.

Reflecting back on this past year, what one word encompasses my experience? It's certainly been different than I had planned. This was the year I was going to force myself to march toward my dreams, which I rebelled against (naturally) and went back to taking very...slow...baby steps.

But you know what? Those baby steps were progress. Maybe not the rapid progress I wanted, but perhaps I was not yet ready for such large changes. However, I do have the feeling, that the changes I want are closer than they've ever been before. And that they're easier to come to grips with when approached slowly the way I've been doing, so as to not frighten me away. So perhaps this was a good thing. Yes, a very good thing.

So, if I have to narrow it down to just one word, 2010 was incubation. And my hope is that 2011 will be an unfolding.

And with an eye even further down the line, my sincere hope is that 2012 will be fruition. And yes, I just had to throw in something extra!

Photo credit: This lovely photo of a butterfly just emerged from its cocoon, wings still unfurling, is The Future Unfolding by valkrye131 on Flickr

How to lose a month of time?

Apparently, it's by getting deeply involved in something. Spending massive amounts of free time obsessively reading all you can about how to set up and market an online store (ok, so this is my example, but I'm sure you have all experienced something like this too? Or am I all alone here?)

So, the end of the year is creeping closer & closer and I for one cannot wait for the new year. If only because it means that all the year-end madness at my day job will be over at that point. And also thinking about the plans I made at the beginning of this year, which have taken me so long to get working on, and I'm really wanting to make the next year better.

While writing up this post, I snuck over to Gwen Bell's blog to see if she's doing another year-in-review meme like last year (you can see all my #best09 posts here), and YES of course she is doing it again, but in a much bigger way this year! This time it's called Reverb10, it starts this Wednesday (Dec 1), and looks to be awesome. I just signed up & will try my hardest to participate every day this time around, even if all I can manage is a little one-liner on some days. We'll see, this is a hard time of year since I'm always exhausted from the j-o-b. But I am very much looking forward to reflecting, reminding myself of the good that came out of the past year, and planting some seeds for next year. Maybe finding some more doorways to walk through in 2011.

So, tell me: Are you looking forward to the rest of the holiday season & the new year to come? Who out there is already planning what their next new year's resolutions will be? And if you're also joining #reverb10, let me know so I can read your posts!

I'm on Etsy. And building a newsletter. And facing my fears.

If you’ve read the comments on this post this week, you’ll know that I opened up a store on Etsy recently. Yes, that’s right! I finally did it! To be honest, it’s something I’ve thought of doing ever since I heard of Etsy – oh, for about three or four years now. So this feels like something that I’ve been extremely slow in achieving. I’ve had a lot of excuses for procrastinating. And I think what finally got me over some of the fear surrounding this was realizing that this is not about getting validation or trying to craft my artwork or store in such a way that everyone will find something to like - it's really about finding those few people who will love it.

And you know what? For all the worry, indecisiveness, and doubt, in the end it wasn’t difficult to do at all. And though I’m taking my time with it, and haven’t even really delved into the great community there yet, it feels right. And fun!

So, if I were to offer any advice to someone sitting on the fence rather than taking just one step closer to their dreams, I would say this – Do it! Even if it feels like there's a huge barrier in the way. There's a quote that I wish I could find again, it says something along the lines of  "Those aren't barriers you're seeing - they're gates." It’s like walking through a doorway into a larger room, one filled with more possibilities. Opening my etsy store leaves me standing in a sea of others reaching for similar dreams as mine. I’m still standing way back at the edges of the crowd, and not many people have noticed me there yet, but at least I’m in the room. And that's a lot closer than I was before.
So if you wanna see what I've worked so hard on the last month, you can check out my Etsy store here. If you liked this post at all, it would be an enormous favor to me if you could share it with others (virtual hugs to anyone who does this. Let me know if you do!)  And, if you’d consider signing up for my newsletter, I’m planning to send out my first one by November 15. It will include some pics of my artwork, snapshots from my studio, and a holiday discount on items in my shop! You can sign up on the web form or the little box over to the right.

San Jose Bike Party

Tonight there is a party of bicycling proportions going on in my town. It's the Ride of the Living Dead, people! I had no idea there was a community group of bicyclers getting together for rides around the city until I heard and saw a parade's-worth of bikes going past my place. So good to see that there are some people actually coming together and doing something as a group around here for a change.

San Jose Bike Party's mission is to "build community through bicycling" - community being something that we seriously lack in this large city. Sure, we have a ton of art & wine festivals in the Bay Area, but most people go for the alcohol, not the art or the cameraderie. As for these bike rides, I'm glad to see we're doin' it better than the other big city around here. Yes, San Francisco, I am talking about you & your Critical Mass rides with a history of violence.

It sounds like all the riders are having fun out there. Maybe the next time they have a Bike Party, I can gather a few of my friends to join in!

Changes and a Clarification

You may have noticed that the design of this blog is a little different today! Yep that's right I finally got around to giving it a little makeover today. What do you think? The new header is from one of my paintings, and I'm actually working on something with my art right now that I'm a little scared/excited about. No, it's not quite ready for you yet - but if you sign up for my new email newsletter (over to the right below my little profile), you'll be one of the first to find out when it is! You do want to be one of the first, don't you??

Speaking of scary/exciting things, I read this post on Ittybiz a few days ago and thought I'd give her challenge a whirl. She asked her readers to answer, in her words, "a very scary question: What do you do?" Well guess what Naomi, that is a scary question, even for those who aren't making a living doing with their own business. Maybe particularly for those who'd like to be, but aren't yet. I know I sure as hell would like to be making a living from doing My Work, and I've been stumbling all over myself all year trying to make that happen in a very slow, painful way. Painful, because if there's ever a day when that is my reality, I'd like that day to hurry up please.

Just to clarify, when I say My Work, I'm talking about creativity, artwork, listening to the muse, all that stuff, does that make sense? I am not talking about a job or the work I do while "at work" - what I have been calling my "day job" in my mind for awhile now. And I'm not entirely sure what all it would entail to make a living with my creativity, maybe hopefully something fabulous that I haven't even considered yet. All I can see at this moment is the next logical step, and that is all I can work on right now.

So, yes. What I want to do is to make a living through making art. And my art is not something I've shared all that much with people, and I'm not sure if anyone would even like my art. Which is a very, very scary thing to doubt. Just writing this makes me feel vulnerable, and that's a very uncomfortable feeling. So, I'm trying to write about it here when I can, to get more comfortable with the vulnerability. And perhaps I will write my answers to the rest of Naomi's questions in my next post, as a way to practice that getting-comfortable which I need

Fall is around the corner and how did time fly by so fast?

Hey there - yes, I'm still around! I've been working on a new series of paintings lately, that I'm excited to show you. Between doing that, making some changes around the house - and going to work and doing some other not-so-happy things - I haven't had time to sit down and write. I have been meaning to though, and have lots to share soon.

For the time being though, I wanted to give you a sneak peak into what's been going on in my little art studio, can you guess what I'm up to? Some of those new paintings I hinted at are here, can you guess which ones they are?

That's all for now, but I'll be back soon. Tell me, what have you been up to lately, during this time of transition into a new season, new school year, etc.?