Reverb10: Why lack of time is not the real problem. It's brain fog.

At first I didn't really think today's Reverb prompt was meant for me. "What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing - and can you eliminate it?"  I don't really consider myself to be a writer despite this blog. My reaction was, I'm an artist. What gets in the way of my painting is much more important than the writing. But then I realized that this prompt was from the Zen Habits guy, and since Leo's pretty smart, maybe I should see where this answer would lead me.

Which was here: Brain fog. All the clutter in my brain that makes it hard to think sometimes. Maybe more often than sometimes. That makes me want to not think.

And even though I sometimes feel the brain fog clear when I write, this clarity doesn't happen always, or even half the time. So even though it would be cool to say "the problem and the solution are one and the same!" - no. I don't get off that easily. This is not a closed circuit.

The largest factor in my resistance to writing is my perceived lack of time. Whenever I've tried writing-every-day challenges, it's great at first, and I can feel my load being lightened, however slightly. But, it never lasts. And that is because during the challenge I've put off other things in order to make time for writing. And the putting-things-off is not a long-term solution. And I eventually freak out over the stuff on the back burner. About not getting a million and one things accomplished. About not having unlimited hours in a day.

I know what you're thinking: But you said "brain fog" was the problem, and here you're talking about time.

True, I did say that. And here's why.

What happens when I think there's not enough time, is my brain starts to fog up. Too much of my memory gets taken up by trying to hold in my head little bits & pieces of info about the things I want to get done. Remember! You have to do this! And that! Hurry, so you don't forget! And I can see that clearly not all of this is going to happen in one day. Heck, it might not even happen in one month. And then my brain kind of...freezes. I get stuck. I can't decide what to do first. I can't figure out what actions will have the best immediate effects, or longer lasting effects, or set up the next actions to be more efficient, and which of these things are more important. And so what fills my head is omg, what am I gonna do, this isn't working. And, fog. No clarity. This is not the kind of mental state best suited to creating anything, be it writing, painting, or even cooking dinner. Oh no! Because I can't afford that kind of time when there are all these things to do!

So no, it's not the limited nature of time that is my problem, but in how I react to that limitedness.

Which is by freezing into a big foggy block of stuck.

And this is not limited to writing, it applies to pretty much everything. Which suddenly make so much sense. So, a big thank you to Leo Babauta, the author of today's #reverb10 prompt, for posing a question about one thing that sneakily allows me to find the answer to so many things I've been struggling with.
 
And you know what I think will help to eliminate this? Awareness of what's going on inside my head when I'm like this. It's not going to get me all the way there, but you can't fix a problem until you know it exists. This is something I will need to mull over more. Perhaps with a mug of cocoa.
 
Photo credit: AM Fog by Peter Roome (lakewentworth on Flickr)

The "I'm Too Busy" Syndrome & the Computer-Free Weekend

I read somewhere recently about this syndrome of being "too busy", of how people get themselves caught up in the motions of going through all the things they think they need to do, mindlessly (yes I do mean in the Buddhist sense), and automatically telling people "I'm so busy". That it becomes a sort of cult-like mental pattern wherein the "too busy" person actually believes they are just that, and loses the ability to prioritize. I'm completely going beyond paraphrasing here, because I can't remember exactly what I read or where I read it and, you know, I was too busy to save the link. Ha.ha.ha...

That whole prioritizing thing? Yeah, I'm not so great at it. If everything needs to be done, then how to decide what needs to be done first? When my imaginary deadlines are looming over it all? (Notice I said everything. I think that's a little telling, don't you?) Today I'm excited by the fact my office is letting us leave at noon today to get an early start on the holiday weekend. As I sit here reviewing my completely unrealistic mental to-do list for this weekend, and my excitement over all the tasks I can get a head-start on is starting to wane with the acknowledgement that I won't actually be able to accomplish it all. And not sure what to do about it other than declaring a computer-free weekend. No, make that an interwebs-free weekend. As in, no wasting hours on the internet even though all I have all those blogs to catch up on. And TV to watch online (my experiment of not-getting-cable is doing nothing to cut down my tv consumption, i swear).

But. I am going to try. Try to focus, try to get as much done as I can. Without distraction. I will try. As of right now, the computer-free weekend is begun.

Can anyone tell me where the last two weeks went?

I mean, seriously.... time, like youth, seems to be wasted on the young. And I haven't been finding much time left at the end of all the many things I need to do every day, with posting here going by the wayside.

But my last two weeks have not been a complete waste! It's been pretty intense lately in the blogging class I'm taking, which is sadly nearing its end. And my little blog will be all the better for it. I've got some changes planned, one of which is I'll be adding a gallery page! So you can see at a glance some of my artwork to date once that's up. I'm hoping to have that completed within the next few days.

I know I haven't posted any of my art in a while, so here is a glimpse for you. This photo was taken during a mini-sabbatical I took at the beginning of last year, which was a treat to myself - one week that I dedicated to creative pursuits. I had a whole factory line-up going at this point, several collages that I'd done that week were about to get a final coating of acrylic varnish.

I promise to post my art more often, that is why I'm here after all, and I love sharing these little glimpses into my world. Soon...  By the way, I have not been sleeping well lately. Too, too many things on my mind! This class has given me so much to think about, beyond the basics of blogging and spilling over into everything. All the things I have planned - I just want to do them. You know what I mean?

Dedication

I've read that if you just show up, every day, the work will get better and the muse will visit. That it's not so much about creating from genius every time, but about being there for the practice. This is extremely difficult for me - I resist any semblance of routine, procrastinate, try to multi-task, drive myself to distraction, and that just ain't cuttin it.

Over the weekend I tried my best to stay off the computer, and focus on what I need to get done instead of surfing blogs and streaming media. It sort of worked, but not all that great. And here I am at home today, fighting off some bug & so I'm not at the j-o-b, and I have the time & opportunity to do some artwork. But I can feel a multitude of distractions calling my name.

So, I need to make myself a few promises today. No, I will not turn on the tv while I'm working. No, I will not run out to the store to "get a couple things" until after I've put in some time working. No, I will not get on the internet until this evening (ok as soon as I put this away). I will do my best to put aside any nagging thoughts of "oh I need to do this", "I should do that",

Let's see how this goes. Will check back in later. Hope everyone has a lovely day!