At the Studio Door

Speak out against censorship

2012-01-18T10:31:00.000-08:00

Help stop SOPA & PIPA

There’s legislation being worked on in Congress, two similar bills known as SOPA and PIPA, which claim to stop theft of copyrighted materials by drastically altering the internet and the rights of US citizens.

Under these laws if passed, an accusation of copyright infringement against one posting on a site will get the entire site shut down. Without proof, without investigation, without warning, without the chance for defense or correction. This in not only unconstitutional but anti-constitutional. This gives a good-sized foothold for dismantling our right to due process under the law, not to mention throws “innocent until proven guilty” on its head & out the window.

As an artist, I am wholeheartedly for copyright laws and protection of intellectual property. As a person of good conscience, I am against laws that take our freedoms away by claiming to fight problems that are already being dealt with by existing laws.

Make no mistake: this will do little to end piracy – copyright violators will find other avenues to get around these blocks. But it will hurt innocent people & our freedom.

But don’t take my word for it – check out this infographic on how SOPA and PIPA will work to censor the internet.

I urge you to find out more about these laws, and take action to let your Congressperson know where you stand. And if you’re not in the US but are concerned how the enactment of US law could affect the global web & global economy, you can write to the US State Department. Tools to contact Congress and the State Department are located at the Stop American Censorship website.
Join Google in fighting these laws by signing the petition at Google's Take Action page.

If these laws are passed, what freedom will the lawmakers try to dismantle next? Where will it end?

(Turning over a new leaf) - New Website!

2011-11-06T08:59:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone,

I've got some news that I'm excited about - I've justlaunched a website! I built it to showcase my artwork and I'd love to have youvisit. Please take a look at www.atthestudiodoor.com and don't be afraid to letme know what you think!

I also plan to start blogging more frequently soon, whichI'll still be doing here. So stay tuned for more from me in the near future.Hope you're having a lovely autumn so far!

Summer please don't leave yet!

2011-09-11T14:28:00.000-07:00

The weather will be changing soon.... I had hoped to spend some time at the beach this weekend soaking up some of the last of summer, but my plans were cancelled, so I suppose I'll have to content myself with lovely photos & artwork of beachy beauty that I've been scoping out lately on Etsy and Pinterest.

I think you could probably say I'm addicted to Pinterest, because once I'm on the site I could repin stuff for hours... here are some great beach links I added to my board "Beaches are my happy place":

No idea yet if we here in the SF Bay Area will get an Indian Summer this year. Yesterday I was still running the a/c all day, but this morning there were a few raindrops and so far the rest of the day has been mild so who knows. I always love it because I hate to see it go, really I could live with summer all year round. Maybe someday I'll move to a place where there's not much of a winter at all. (btw Wikipedia says that the term Indian Summer means different things in different regions, go figure!)

Here are some lovely Etsy finds (and my first treasury, what do you think of this collection?)

'Summer's Last Hurrah' by atthestudiodoor

summer is always over far too soon for me... i wish it could last forever...

Goodbye - 10x10 Fine Ar... judemcconkey $30.00	Summer Love - set of 9 ... SusannahTucker $140.00	Striped Cotton Canvas B... LadyAlamo $30.00	Memories of Summer. Ha... JustTara $17.00
Baby. Infant. Dress. Su... babywearing $39.39	Laguna Beach photograph... zuppaartista $17.00	Formal Dress Sexy Chiff... myuniverse $38.00	Summer Hammock by Sandy... eyeshuttertofo... $18.00
Original Acrylic Abstra... Crossfire322 $20.00	Glisten-Original Signed... kimberlyblok $25.00	Large Original Painting... hilariagalleri... $150.00	Lost at Sea (the good w... dannyphillipsa... $150.00
Summer Maxi Dress Organ... SoulRole $130.00	Lazy Day - Original Fab... shellieartist $35.00	Sunset Photo "Good... SSCphotography $20.00	End of summer SALE - f... JennDiggs $27.00

Treasury tool by Red Row Studio.

The beach is my happy place...

2011-09-04T20:15:00.000-07:00

... yes, seriously the beach - any beach - is my happy place. I don't even have to be there, just looking at a photo featuring blue water and golden sands will chill me out. And believe me, this girl needs lots of chillin'-out time.

For my birthday this year I bought myself a fancy, overpriced, not-quite-as-good-as-a-DSLR camera. And I still haven't learned all the bells & whistles, but it does have a "pinhole"setting that makes any snap look instantly more professional. Which is good because as much as I admire photography I am not all that great at it.

These pics were taken at Capitola (a cool beach town in California just south of Santa Cruz). Doesn't the pinhole effect make these look lovely?

Reverb10: Wherein I only tangentially reference prompt #19 (Healing)

2010-12-26T18:54:00.000-08:00

This should have been posted days ago. I wrote this in my journal the same day the prompt was delivered, and it took me a week to get it typed up. Because things really have been like that lately. This month has all been a blur to me.

And when I say that, I don't actually mean December, I mean the last 6 weeks or so that melded into an endless rush. Even downtime does not slow the feeling of accelerated time. The busiest weeks of the year for me at my dayjob - the second half of November through most of December - what are supposed to be happy, jolly, focused on communities, relationships, the people you love, and giving. And I didn't have enough space to focus on any of that.

All that I could do was swim through the torrent of work. 8 hours a day of extreme multi-tasking. No mind-breaks. Instant transitioning from one problem-solving to the next. My brain on overload, maybe even getting whiplash.

Oh yes, there was giving. Of work delegated to me, on top of the already-insane year-end deadlines. Racing to get everything done. Too much multitasking, too much data, my brain is mush. Just trying to gain a sense of rest, trying to rebalance, during my time off work. Forget about Christmas shopping or sending out holiday cards, everything left to the last minute or crossed off the list entirely. Skip this year - maybe the next. Perhaps at this time next year, I'll be in a different job.... Please, oh please let me not be in the same dysfunctional workspace next holiday season, so that I can actually enjoy it.

So yes. Healing. All my downtime for weeks, just trying to heal from the crazy-busy-ness.

And what I'd like to heal in 2011: Disorganized panic.

Mind-calming techniques. Perhaps meditation, in my own way. Not numbing myself so that I don't have to think about stuff, but working it out.

I can't always work stuff out with words, maybe my mind just doesn't work that way. That's one of the reasons behind my lack of posting during #Reverb10 (other reasons were mentioned before). Writing about stuff not being the way I can heal while I'm under the pressure, that is. Sometimes I just need to work things out in other ways, maybe that is why I'm so drawn to art. Color, form, combining and shifting - all get my mind into another state where answers can work themselves out in my subconscious. At this crazy time of year, with work deadlines, holidays, and my brain in some prolonged panic-attack state, what I've chose to do the last couple of weeks instead of write has been to quilt.

Yeah, you read right. I started making a quilt three weeks ago. Choosing the fabrics, pure delight for my mind. Getting lost in the colors & patterns - meditation.

Cutting the shapes. Arranging them together. Seeing the way colors & patterns & shapes vibrate next to each other - meditation.

Sewing the pieces together. Ironing them back flat. Placing the new larger squares side by side, seeing how the building of shape upon shape creates a whole new piece. The creating, the building, a metaphor. Sometimes, I want to build a whole new everything.

Photo credit: Christmas Lights by WH-B on flickr

Reverb10: Where's The Bounce?

2010-12-08T22:56:00.000-08:00

Bounce, get it? When a sound bounces around in echoes (a reverberation)? Because it's been rather quiet around here even though I'm supposed to be writing daily.

I mentioned in my last post, and it's still going on - I'm just not connecting with the prompts for this year's #Reverb10. Maybe it's because the past couple of weeks have been brutally busy at my day job. By the time I get home, I just don't wanna think too much. Maybe it's because last year's introspective prompts were broken up by ones that were lighter & fun, and this year seems to be all instrospection. Not just regular instrospection, but the I could work on this answer for hours kind of introspection.

Not fun.

Which I know is what this challenge should be! Opening up, sharing and reading posts by other Reverbers. But that's not what I'm doing. And my Plan B of posting several responses together is just not working - I've already accumulated too many un-responded-to prompts in my inbox, just sitting there glaring at me (or so it feels). So, what to do?

I don't want to completely give up this challenge. I don't want to respond to prompts that I'm not feeling connection with, or that I don't have the right mindframe to write a decent & thoughtful response to. I don't want to push myself when it's not in me right now. And I don't need to make myself feel guilty about my limits - everyone has limits and they can change daily, these just happen to be the limits I'm currently operating under.

What I can do is post when I can, using a prompt if I feel inclined, or making up my own prompt if that's what I'd rather do. And I can squirrel away the prompts I haven't responded to, hopefully to spur me on for later posts. So I may be Reverbing well into the next year still. And that's ok.

Also, not sure if Reverbers and Reverbing are real words. I may have just made them up. That's ok too!

Photo credit: Jump! by Enid Yu on Flickr

Weekend Reverb Rush to Catch Up

2010-12-05T22:24:00.000-08:00

Yikes there are 3 days of #reverb10 prompts to catch up on, four if you count tomorrow's (which just landed in my inbox), and I'm not really feeling any of them. Maybe because I'm just feeling rather blah in general this weekend? Anyhow, below is a mad dash to catch up. I feel I might get snarky with these responses.

Day 3 - Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe in vivid detail.

See, now this prompt just makes me feel sad. Because either my memory really sucks that I can't remember a whole lot of moments like that in this past year, or there really haven't been that many. I'm thinking it's the latter. Sure there have been some good times. But that feeling the prompt is referring to? I've felt that truly alive feeling, the one that's different than the normal happy feeling, and it doesn't show up in recent memory.

I think we can all use more moments in our lives where we feel truly alive.

Day 4 - How did you cultivate a sense of wonder this year?

Well, I didn't. Thanks for reminding me.

Isn't this the kind of thing tat you have to intentionally set yourself to achieving? Like, you know, in advance? I'm not gonna lie and apply some bs in retrospect to make it sound like that was something I did. Nope, that's not something I intended to do. Perhaps I may have thought of it, if I wasn't so preoccupied with trying to not let my dreams slip by me for another year.

What I did set my mind to doing this year, was to start sharing and selling my artwork with the world. Which I did. Months later than I'd intended, but I finally did. And honestly it's pretty difficult for me to be proud of myself for actually achieving this rather than berating myself for taking so long.

My take: Everyone is in different place in their lives. Not everyone goes through the same stages in their progression through life. We all have our own paths and struggles.

Day 5: What, or whom, did you let go of this year? Why?

I've tried to let go of my fear of visibility, of letting others see the real me - my hopes and dreams, my artwork, stuff that really means something to me. This is still a work in progress. It's like whittling away the layers of a really thick barrier I've put up. I've thinned the barrier in a couple of places, but I've got a long way to go still.

There are other things I'd love to let go of. My day job, for one! (anyone with me on this one?) My morning dependence on coffee. The extra inches around my middle. The way that I'll push someone away when I feel vulnerable. Some other fears. Again, I'm still a work in progress.

And that's why I'm participating in this writing project, even with the prompts I dislike, because I want that progress. It was tempting not to answer a couple of them. But I've been down that road of not engaging with the things I'd rather not deal with, and I know that doesn't lead to anywhere I want to go.

So, I keep trying.

Photo credit: Rush Hour by Susan Sermoneta (Susan NYC on Flickr)

Reverb10: Why lack of time is not the real problem. It's brain fog.

2010-12-02T21:27:00.000-08:00

At first I didn't really think today's Reverb prompt was meant for me. "What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing - and can you eliminate it?" I don't really consider myself to be a writer despite this blog. My reaction was, I'm an artist. What gets in the way of my painting is much more important than the writing. But then I realized that this prompt was from the Zen Habits guy, and since Leo's pretty smart, maybe I should see where this answer would lead me.

Which was here: Brain fog. All the clutter in my brain that makes it hard to think sometimes. Maybe more often than sometimes. That makes me want to not think.

And even though I sometimes feel the brain fog clear when I write, this clarity doesn't happen always, or even half the time. So even though it would be cool to say "the problem and the solution are one and the same!" - no. I don't get off that easily. This is not a closed circuit.

The largest factor in my resistance to writing is my perceived lack of time. Whenever I've tried writing-every-day challenges, it's great at first, and I can feel my load being lightened, however slightly. But, it never lasts. And that is because during the challenge I've put off other things in order to make time for writing. And the putting-things-off is not a long-term solution. And I eventually freak out over the stuff on the back burner. About not getting a million and one things accomplished. About not having unlimited hours in a day.

I know what you're thinking: But you said "brain fog" was the problem, and here you're talking about time.

True, I did say that. And here's why.

What happens when I think there's not enough time, is my brain starts to fog up. Too much of my memory gets taken up by trying to hold in my head little bits & pieces of info about the things I want to get done. Remember! You have to do this! And that! Hurry, so you don't forget! And I can see that clearly not all of this is going to happen in one day. Heck, it might not even happen in one month. And then my brain kind of...freezes. I get stuck. I can't decide what to do first. I can't figure out what actions will have the best immediate effects, or longer lasting effects, or set up the next actions to be more efficient, and which of these things are more important. And so what fills my head is omg, what am I gonna do, this isn't working. And, fog. No clarity. This is not the kind of mental state best suited to creating anything, be it writing, painting, or even cooking dinner. Oh no! Because I can't afford that kind of time when there are all these things to do!

So no, it's not the limited nature of time that is my problem, but in how I react to that limitedness.

Which is by freezing into a big foggy block of stuck.

And this is not limited to writing, it applies to pretty much everything. Which suddenly make so much sense. So, a big thank you to Leo Babauta, the author of today's #reverb10 prompt, for posing a question about one thing that sneakily allows me to find the answer to so many things I've been struggling with.

And you know what I think will help to eliminate this? Awareness of what's going on inside my head when I'm like this. It's not going to get me all the way there, but you can't fix a problem until you know it exists. This is something I will need to mull over more. Perhaps with a mug of cocoa.

Photo credit: AM Fog by Peter Roome (lakewentworth on Flickr)

Reverb10: One Word

2010-12-01T22:17:00.000-08:00

My oh my, what have I gotten myself into? Committed to a daily writing project that already has me stumped, that's what! Narrowing things down has never been my strong suit. Ask my what's my favorite, I'll tell you two or three. Ask me for a top ten list, I'll throw in a few extra for good measure.

Reflecting back on this past year, what one word encompasses my experience? It's certainly been different than I had planned. This was the year I was going to force myself to march toward my dreams, which I rebelled against (naturally) and went back to taking very...slow...baby steps.

But you know what? Those baby steps were progress. Maybe not the rapid progress I wanted, but perhaps I was not yet ready for such large changes. However, I do have the feeling, that the changes I want are closer than they've ever been before. And that they're easier to come to grips with when approached slowly the way I've been doing, so as to not frighten me away. So perhaps this was a good thing. Yes, a very good thing.

So, if I have to narrow it down to just one word, 2010 was incubation. And my hope is that 2011 will be an unfolding.

And with an eye even further down the line, my sincere hope is that 2012 will be fruition. And yes, I just had to throw in something extra!

Photo credit: This lovely photo of a butterfly just emerged from its cocoon, wings still unfurling, is The Future Unfolding by valkrye131 on Flickr

How to lose a month of time?

2010-11-29T21:09:00.000-08:00

Apparently, it's by getting deeply involved in something. Spending massive amounts of free time obsessively reading all you can about how to set up and market an online store (ok, so this is my example, but I'm sure you have all experienced something like this too? Or am I all alone here?)

So, the end of the year is creeping closer & closer and I for one cannot wait for the new year. If only because it means that all the year-end madness at my day job will be over at that point. And also thinking about the plans I made at the beginning of this year, which have taken me so long to get working on, and I'm really wanting to make the next year better.

While writing up this post, I snuck over to Gwen Bell's blog to see if she's doing another year-in-review meme like last year (you can see all my #best09 posts here), and YES of course she is doing it again, but in a much bigger way this year! This time it's called Reverb10, it starts this Wednesday (Dec 1), and looks to be awesome. I just signed up & will try my hardest to participate every day this time around, even if all I can manage is a little one-liner on some days. We'll see, this is a hard time of year since I'm always exhausted from the j-o-b. But I am very much looking forward to reflecting, reminding myself of the good that came out of the past year, and planting some seeds for next year. Maybe finding some more doorways to walk through in 2011.

So, tell me: Are you looking forward to the rest of the holiday season & the new year to come? Who out there is already planning what their next new year's resolutions will be? And if you're also joining #reverb10, let me know so I can read your posts!

I'm on Etsy. And building a newsletter. And facing my fears.

2010-10-28T22:49:00.000-07:00

If you’ve read the comments on this post this week, you’ll know that I opened up a store on Etsy recently. Yes, that’s right! I finally did it! To be honest, it’s something I’ve thought of doing ever since I heard of Etsy – oh, for about three or four years now. So this feels like something that I’ve been extremely slow in achieving. I’ve had a lot of excuses for procrastinating. And I think what finally got me over some of the fear surrounding this was realizing that this is not about getting validation or trying to craft my artwork or store in such a way that everyone will find something to like - it's really about finding those few people who will love it.

And you know what? For all the worry, indecisiveness, and doubt, in the end it wasn’t difficult to do at all. And though I’m taking my time with it, and haven’t even really delved into the great community there yet, it feels right. And fun!

So, if I were to offer any advice to someone sitting on the fence rather than taking just one step closer to their dreams, I would say this – Do it! Even if it feels like there's a huge barrier in the way. There's a quote that I wish I could find again, it says something along the lines of "Those aren't barriers you're seeing - they're gates." It’s like walking through a doorway into a larger room, one filled with more possibilities. Opening my etsy store leaves me standing in a sea of others reaching for similar dreams as mine. I’m still standing way back at the edges of the crowd, and not many people have noticed me there yet, but at least I’m in the room. And that's a lot closer than I was before.
So if you wanna see what I've worked so hard on the last month, you can check out my Etsy store here. If you liked this post at all, it would be an enormous favor to me if you could share it with others (virtual hugs to anyone who does this. Let me know if you do!) And, if you’d consider signing up for my newsletter, I’m planning to send out my first one by November 15. It will include some pics of my artwork, snapshots from my studio, and a holiday discount on items in my shop! You can sign up on the web form or the little box over to the right.

San Jose Bike Party

2010-10-15T22:18:00.000-07:00

Tonight there is a party of bicycling proportions going on in my town. It's the Ride of the Living Dead, people! I had no idea there was a community group of bicyclers getting together for rides around the city until I heard and saw a parade's-worth of bikes going past my place. So good to see that there are some people actually coming together and doing something as a group around here for a change.

San Jose Bike Party's mission is to "build community through bicycling" - community being something that we seriously lack in this large city. Sure, we have a ton of art & wine festivals in the Bay Area, but most people go for the alcohol, not the art or the cameraderie. As for these bike rides, I'm glad to see we're doin' it better than the other big city around here. Yes, San Francisco, I am talking about you & your Critical Mass rides with a history of violence.

It sounds like all the riders are having fun out there. Maybe the next time they have a Bike Party, I can gather a few of my friends to join in!

Changes and a Clarification

2010-10-03T22:01:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed that the design of this blog is a little different today! Yep that's right I finally got around to giving it a little makeover today. What do you think? The new header is from one of my paintings, and I'm actually working on something with my art right now that I'm a little scared/excited about. No, it's not quite ready for you yet - but if you sign up for my new email newsletter (over to the right below my little profile), you'll be one of the first to find out when it is! You do want to be one of the first, don't you??

Speaking of scary/exciting things, I read this post on Ittybiz a few days ago and thought I'd give her challenge a whirl. She asked her readers to answer, in her words, "a very scary question: What do you do?" Well guess what Naomi, that is a scary question, even for those who aren't making a living doing with their own business. Maybe particularly for those who'd like to be, but aren't yet. I know I sure as hell would like to be making a living from doing My Work, and I've been stumbling all over myself all year trying to make that happen in a very slow, painful way. Painful, because if there's ever a day when that is my reality, I'd like that day to hurry up please.

Just to clarify, when I say My Work, I'm talking about creativity, artwork, listening to the muse, all that stuff, does that make sense? I am not talking about a job or the work I do while "at work" - what I have been calling my "day job" in my mind for awhile now. And I'm not entirely sure what all it would entail to make a living with my creativity, maybe hopefully something fabulous that I haven't even considered yet. All I can see at this moment is the next logical step, and that is all I can work on right now.

So, yes. What I want to do is to make a living through making art. And my art is not something I've shared all that much with people, and I'm not sure if anyone would even like my art. Which is a very, very scary thing to doubt. Just writing this makes me feel vulnerable, and that's a very uncomfortable feeling. So, I'm trying to write about it here when I can, to get more comfortable with the vulnerability. And perhaps I will write my answers to the rest of Naomi's questions in my next post, as a way to practice that getting-comfortable which I need

Fall is around the corner and how did time fly by so fast?

2010-09-24T22:06:00.000-07:00

Hey there - yes, I'm still around! I've been working on a new series of paintings lately, that I'm excited to show you. Between doing that, making some changes around the house - and going to work and doing some other not-so-happy things - I haven't had time to sit down and write. I have been meaning to though, and have lots to share soon.

For the time being though, I wanted to give you a sneak peak into what's been going on in my little art studio, can you guess what I'm up to? Some of those new paintings I hinted at are here, can you guess which ones they are?

That's all for now, but I'll be back soon. Tell me, what have you been up to lately, during this time of transition into a new season, new school year, etc.?

dear ada

2010-08-21T14:28:00.000-07:00

Last month I found out that one of my favoritest blogs ever, dear ada, was, sadly, posting it's last post. Sadly for me, that is, since this gem of a blog has been such an inspiration to me over the last few years. It really was my introduction to the world of art-on-the-internet, to this fabulous community that has spread out and has been changing the way artists make their names, reputations and careers, and share their work with others, and also in the way that the average person is now able to be an art lover and follower and instantaneously see works they'd ordinarily not have access to. This was the first time that I realized that the game is changing for artists, and gave me hope with my burgeoning desire to return to art myself, the idea that maybe I didn't have to go back to school to get a degree and toil for years as a starving artist hoping to someday gain gallery reputation, so as to be a "real artist".

The thing that kept me coming back to dear ada, time and again, was the way that Birdie accompanied each post with the sweetest, most genuine and encouraging words for each artist she featured on her blog. For example when she says things like, Hello reason for heart to sing. Hello wonderful art... How can you not love someone who says this!? She shared wonderful work that really expanded my perception of art. I would often follow links to the artist's gallery pages and marvel at their work for hours. Birdie is moving on to pursue her own art again, the inspiration she shared with the world these past 5 years having inspired herself! I wish Birdie all the luck in the world, and, I will truly miss her. Her goodbye post is sprinkled with pictures of some beautiful artwork that I believe is her own, and not to be missed because it is really lovely.

I just found out that she's decided to keep things going over on tumblr, I'm so glad that she'll still be sharing her discoveries! And the dear ada blog appears to be left up as an archive for the time being, so you can visit if you've missed out on all her goodies through the years.

Here is a roundup of some of my favorite dear ada posts, just a quick roundup because there are so, so many artworks she featured that I absolutely adored!

Ian O'Phelan, whose photo below I cannot stop thinking about, what I wouldn't give to design a textile like this one!

Raymond Saunders, whose portfolio I drooled over for for at least an hour after seeing him on dear ada!

Jennifer Bain and her beautiful monotype collages.

Fiona Watson, who makes the coolest, most interesting, now-why-didn't-I-think-of-that assemblages that she then photographs and posts on flickr.

And finally, because I really just can't help myself, several collage artist whos work I'm all jealous of and wish their work was in my own portfolio: fred free, anna wolf, tods2tods here and here, peter kupas, elad lassry, waterhalo here and here, katy murphy, and silvia cordero vega.

So many things to do. Not knowing what to do.

2010-08-09T12:41:00.000-07:00

Do you know that feeling? Having so many ideas, so many things in progress, so many things nagging at the back of your minds that you need to find time to do someday, a total abundance of things to do. And not being able to pick one? Which one is the best thing to work on now, in this moment? How to choose??? This scenario stops me every time. Makes it hard to step away from the computer to get to work. Makes me want to clean my apartment, which I hate doing, to avoid the choosing. Sometimes even makes it hard to get out of bed in the morning.

Even with an extra day in which to get stuff done. Today, thanks to my back (bad back!), I'm at home and therefore have another day away from the job in which to get my personal stuff done. Do you think I've done anything yet? It's a little after noon and so far all I've done is sleep in really late and catch up on one of my favorite blogs. Oh, and run my little brain around in circles trying to decide what to do with this extra free time. Sometimes it makes me wonder: the workaholic syndrome we seem to have here in the U.S., could it be because people know what to do at their jobs, and by continually rerouting their focus to work they can avoid the things in their personal lives they don't know how to deal with?

Wonderings aside, since that's not really what I came here to say - Yes, there are lots of things I want to work on today. I just can't seem to get to them, and this has been going on for a couple of weekends now. (I'm not counting the weekday evenings, because I'm often so exhausted after the job that I'm completely ineffective in my personal life.) So much I want to do: the new artworks I have ideas for, the works already in progress that I need to finish, the organizational things I want to do to get my act together, the plans for opening an etsy store that I need to work on, the half-drafted blog posts that I haven't finished, all these things that are just vague ideas flitting around in my head that I need to grab onto and get to work on. Like all these things are on one side of the river, and I'm on the other, thinking that it's too difficult to get to the other side (even though I have this suspicion that the way across is quick and so obvious that I can't even see it. It is obvious, isn't it?)

moving forward with each tiny step

2010-07-27T21:55:00.000-07:00

Did you happen to read my last post? Yes, the one that I was in such a rush to write that I didn't even give it a title? If not, please read it now... I really did hit that publish button and close the browser window as quickly as I could, my heart racing just a little bit... Learning to take definitive action and not overthink things to death all the time! But in baby steps.

That action-taking is definitely something that I struggle with, that I need to work on actually doing more often. This is, I know, one of the major stumbling blocks I have to getting myself where I want to be.

I tend to work better under a deadline. Not that I like being under a deadline, mind you - I'd rather not have all that stress, my anxiety meter goes off the charts way too quickly to be comfortable working under the gun, so to speak, but I can't deny it's power as a motivator. Nothing like lighting a fire under my ass to actually get me off my procrastinating behind. I should probably look for a better way to motivate myself that's kinder to my nervous system, maybe by using one of Havi's techniques?

In lieu of any self-imposed deadlines, I haven't been painting much lately. Or collaging, at all. Until last week that is, when I was scrambling for a birthday present to give my mom, and I decided 3 days before the day to paint her something! An impossible task? Nearly so, I managed to finish a seascape for her (not in time for the day we celebrated her birthday, but it was in her hands before the actual day). And these pictures are it! Here's the finished piece, a 6 inch x 12 inch acrylic on panel:

I got so into this painting that I didn't want it to be done - so I carried the theme over to a mini-panel, this one is a tiny 3 inch x 3 inch piece. And I have lots of ideas floating around in my head for a series of paintings based on the lines in this one. Time permitting... and a fire to keep me going!

2010-07-20T16:05:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna just say it here, I know bloggers are not really supposed to apologize for their lack of posts (because it's boring and nobody cares, etc.), but I am sorry that I've been so sporadic here with my posts, and even with thanking people for their comments, because that is not why I came to start a blog, after all! I wanted to get better at expressing myself, to find other people out here that I could "click" with, share some of my art and my journey trying to become a more creative person, and it's myself that I am really disappointing here.

Is it ok for me to mention how shy I am in real life? Somehow I thought that online would be easier (protection, right? being semi-invisible and all that). Thought for some reason, that I could talk about my issues without showing any vulnerabilities, like "oh here I had this problem, and I solved it, la-dee-da everything is perfect now". And I really didn't want to be pessimistic here as I am way too pessimistic in real life, and would like to change that - partially by being more positive in my writing here. Except, trying to be this way is actually inhibiting me from wanting to write anything at all.

And you know what? I'm really not doing myself or anybody else any good by trying to hide my imperfections and struggles, am I? Hell, I am shy and quirky and have a strange sense of humor sometimes and I should really own that, shouldn't I? Hey, I also get hurt really easily, have plenty of down days and think that the world could be doing a much better job of being the place where we all spend our days. Not sure where my thoughts are going with that, but it's all a part of what's in me. I am a multi-faceted person, just as I know that everybody out there are multi-faceted people, whether they realize it or not, and show it or not.

So tell me something, because I have this idea that despite all the self-help culture out there, it is still really hard for us to be and to show who we really are to everyone we meet. Tell me, do you find this to be true? Do you know anyone who unapologetically owns who they are, all the facets of their selves? Do you own your me-ness? Do you share the best of your best self only with those people you know really well and trust? Or are you, like me, still just learning who you really are and how to be authentic?

This has all been pretty stream-of-conscious for me, maybe all the journaling I've been doing lately is helping me with that. And so I am just going to post this, without really editing it (ok, other than correcting spelling because I hate to misspell), without giving myself the time to reflect or chicken out of saying anything I've typed out here, I'm gonna just hit Publish and be ok with it, imprefections and all....

I am a work in progress...

2010-07-03T20:13:00.000-07:00

And lately I've been trying a little more to figure myself out. Have you heard of the 21.5.800 project started by Bindu Wiles? I'm not sure but I think it's just ended, in fact I heard of it a few days after it started and I've been doing the yoga and daily writing on my own - not online, not following along with anyone else who's participating. I hear people have been twittering it up, but I've been interested in the heart of it, the personal and internal practice of journaling and being aware of one's own movement.

The writing has been whatever was on my mind when I sat down at the page, so it's helped me work through some stuff and also shown me how much I normally avoid the stuff I need to work through. I wonder how many other people have discovered the same thing about themselves? About a week in, this freewriting was bringing up so much of my stuff that I cried every evening for three days straight - tears that have been held back for awhile because my normal modus operandi when upset is to distract myself so I don't have to think about it. Did you know writing it out when you're upset helps you get through the moment? I didn't, but I'm glad to say I know that now.

Maybe at some point some of the things I've written will be brought here to share with you all. Or perhaps new things I write, since I don't intend to stop. The yoga and writing have been cleansing for body and mind - and there is more work for me to do! But for now I'll leave you with a quote from one of Bindu's best posts from her writing for the project:

Let go. Believe in who you really are. Open up. Expand. Start the new chapter–both at the desk and inside your own mind.

Almost-Half-Dozen Paintings

2010-06-06T21:32:00.000-07:00

As promised, here are the best of the paintings from my Dozen Artworks Challenge...

Strangely enough, I thought I'd end up relying on more collage than I did in these pieces. Of course there are plenty of collaged elements represented here in these multi-media works. They each have something glued in them, some are just hidden a lot better than others...

These, my 5 favorites, to me seem to have so much energy - be so lively. Maybe you agree, maybe not? Tell me, what do you think of these pieces? Do they come across as strong or as trying-too-hard? Energetic or overworked? Do you prefer images that have a lot going on, or ones that are calmer and more focused?

What a month and a holiday weekend can do...

2010-06-02T20:20:00.000-07:00

The long holiday weekend here in the US is really over, regular life is settling back in along with the rush-hour traffic. Did you have a good weekend? - I hope you did! Mine was a mixture of some good and some bad (but hey, that is life as always, right?)

The Good: Extra time off from work. The day job had a company event on Thursday, so no real working that day, then Friday we only had to work for half the day. Off on Monday for Memorial Day. Always good to have some time off from the j-o-b... Made for what seemed a nice chunk of time away from the work stress :)

The Bad: Allergy season from Hell is still in effect, we're having a bad one here in the Bay Area this year. Eyes are so itchy and sometimes feel like I'm breathing through mud. Like maybe walking through mud too, because it's damn tiring, battling these allergens!

The Good: 5 new paintings now completed that I'm really happy with. Yay! These were part of my Dozen Painting Self-Challenge, and I think that 5 strong pieces out of 12 is a really good ratio (especially considering that 3 are still unfinished, and just might stay that way).

So. I committed to a making a dozen small paintings in a month. How did that turn out?

Well, I spent a little more than a month working on them actually, and as I mentioned before I didn't exaclty finish. But, I did learn a lot, which is exactly what I was hoping for.

The interesting thing about this little challenge / experiment is that it somehow allowed me to try lots of things that I ordinarily wouldn't have, for fear that it wouldn't work out and I'd ruin what I was working on. Counterintuitive perhaps, because you would think - wouldn't you? - that needing a certain number of painting completed would make you try even harder not to mess any up? But, I found that having multiple (and I do mean multiple) pieces in progress at the same time somehow freed me to be more experimental than normal. Because hey, if this one doesn't work out, there are still 4 or 7 others that I'm working on too, so it'll all be ok.

Another thing I discovered is the style that my work is evolving into. For example, I like to have a lot going on in a piece, throughout the canvas, and not have everything in the background fade away to highlight one solitary focal point. I like to give the viewer something to see wherever their eyes may wander across the canvas. I mean, I knew I really wasn't a minimalist at heart, much as I can appreciate that aesthetic, but I was surprised at just how busy I like my compositions to be.

I wanted to share some pictures with you, but the ones I took the other day were blurry. Photography skills definitely need some improvement here! But you can see two of my favorites in my last post. I'll be back in a couple of days with more lessons learned during this last month of painting, and more pictures of these colorful creations!

A Dozen Artworks Mini-Challenge

2010-05-10T13:08:00.000-07:00

I’ve been a little quiet lately – steadying, shoring up my reserves – getting ready to launch myself into the next stage of my artistic endeavors. A couple of weeks ago I issued myself a challenge: to create a dozen paintings in a month. Yes, I fully admit this is not a new concept, several artists have done it and better than I. And this was not about updating the world daily with my progress, this was an internal process of something I needed to do for myself. It was about propelling myself forward, dedicating my time to the practice of painting, creating a body of work and refining my aesthetic.

So this is what I’ve been doing with my time. I started the third week of April - why wait until May 1st, when I can start now?, I thought - so I've got just a short time left to finish. I'm not entirely sure I'll make my own self-imposed deadline, but it's been exciting to try. And I wanted to share with you a few of these small works in progress! These represent my baby-steps to becoming a real, practicing, sometime-in-the-future-selling, artist. Please view them kindly, I’d be honored to know what you think – constructive criticism is welcomed.

3 Views Through a Window: April Showers

2010-04-27T20:45:00.000-07:00

Yes it's time for some more views through windows, it's hard to believe another month has gone by already isn't it? This time I've decided to go with a theme ~ you know what they say about April showers bringing May flowers, right? Well just between you and me, I'd be happy if the rain stopped and we just got right to summer. But I'm glad for the mild weather here in the Bay Area, I don't know how people in harsher climates can deal with the cold!

Rain (Early Evening) :

photo by me

~

So since it doesn't really rain that often here, at least not compared to other places, I don't have much to show in the way of rainy-day pictures. But I saw a couple on Flickr that I thought fit the theme quite well. Isn't the view below quite dramatic?

Raining Out by Americanvirus:

photo by Americanvirus

~

And I'm happy to include this beauty, I don't know what it is about photos that capture car mirrors, but they always capture my attention. Especially when they look as good as this. Quick - do you think we can out-drive the rain?

Window to the Rain

photo by Leonrw

~

For those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, let's hope that we'll see the last of the rain soon - onward to sunnier days ahead! And lots of flowers to make that rain worth it :-)

Computer-Free Weekend Follow-up

2010-04-17T12:10:00.000-07:00

It's probably far too late for a follow up on what was supposed to be a weekend experiment two weeks ago, but I'll do so now, finally.... As far as that weekend went, I was quite successful at keeping my wasted time on the internet to a minimum (that's what I was really trying to cut out - not being on the computer itself, but the unfocused, not knowing what to do with myself next, being sidetracked from what I really want to do, kind of time-wasting.) So as to rediscover some kind of balance. Which I think I did, as evidenced by how long it took me to come back to my own little corner of the internet. Not that I want to quit blogging in any way, just that I needed to work out the best ways to spend my time, at this particular time in my life. Which of course, is a continuous work in progress for all of us, right?

I was thinking back the other day to that first 2 or 3 years immediately following my high school graduation. About the way so many things seemed to happen in such a relatively short period of time. And the way it seems to take forever for anything to happen anymore. Or rather, not that things are slow, but time is flying by so fast that not as much has time to happen - does that make sense? I hope you understand what I mean. Sometimes I just want to put time on pause (ok, if I'm truly honest, I want to do that every morning from around, say, the time my alarm clock goes off until I get to work or wherever I'm going that day). What I want is for the time to catch up to what I want to do my life. Which takes considerable prioritizing but also understanding my own natural rhythms, motivations, how long I can stay focused on a given task, etc. So I've been paying more attention to myself and my patterns lately.

For example I notice that I'm much happier doing a little bit here & a little bit there of one thing, with lots of breaks peppered in to work on other things too, than if I just stick my nose to the grind to bust something out as quickly as possible. Like when it took me an entire weekend instead of just 3 or 4 hours to spring-clean my apartment, but at the same time I started 2 new paintings, got a bunch more practice using photoshop, reorganized my kitchen cupboards, and finally backed up a year's worth of photos to my external drive. Before I would have kept pushing myself to keep going on only one task, past my natural stopping point of ok this is tiring, maybe I should take a quick break, push myself so that by time I was done I had nothing left in me to do anything else that day. And so all those other things I got done? Wouldn't have happened....

Another thing I realized is that I paint more quickly, and get more paint on the canvas in general, when I throw on a dvd while I'm working. But when I don't turn on the tv or radio or any other external stimuli "so that I can really focus", I actually slow down and become overly cautious. Which totally gets in the way of getting any creative work done. Something about the visuals, sounds, and stories being relayed fills up my "creative well" and keeps me going.

So, I'm working on: Not fighting my natural rhythms. Being ok with taking lots of breaks if that means I come back to my original task with more energy. Getting a good stretch of work in before I allow the distractions, but understanding the importance of the "distractions" in terms of re-energizing myself.

And, now that I've gotten a couple hours of computer time in this morning, I'm off to take a break with a workout. Because a break doesn't necessarily mean rest, as I've discovered, it means a change of pace from what you were just doing. And I'm starting to think that's a much healthier way than how I was handling time before.

The "I'm Too Busy" Syndrome & the Computer-Free Weekend

2010-04-02T09:51:00.000-07:00

I read somewhere recently about this syndrome of being "too busy", of how people get themselves caught up in the motions of going through all the things they think they need to do, mindlessly (yes I do mean in the Buddhist sense), and automatically telling people "I'm so busy". That it becomes a sort of cult-like mental pattern wherein the "too busy" person actually believes they are just that, and loses the ability to prioritize. I'm completely going beyond paraphrasing here, because I can't remember exactly what I read or where I read it and, you know, I was too busy to save the link. Ha.ha.ha...

That whole prioritizing thing? Yeah, I'm not so great at it. If everything needs to be done, then how to decide what needs to be done first? When my imaginary deadlines are looming over it all? (Notice I said everything. I think that's a little telling, don't you?) Today I'm excited by the fact my office is letting us leave at noon today to get an early start on the holiday weekend. As I sit here reviewing my completely unrealistic mental to-do list for this weekend, and my excitement over all the tasks I can get a head-start on is starting to wane with the acknowledgement that I won't actually be able to accomplish it all. And not sure what to do about it other than declaring a computer-free weekend. No, make that an interwebs-free weekend. As in, no wasting hours on the internet even though all I have all those blogs to catch up on. And TV to watch online (my experiment of not-getting-cable is doing nothing to cut down my tv consumption, i swear).

But. I am going to try. Try to focus, try to get as much done as I can. Without distraction. I will try. As of right now, the computer-free weekend is begun.

3 Views Through a Window

2010-03-31T20:17:00.000-07:00

Well hello there, I hope you've had a nice week so far!

I posted a few pictures several weeks ago, with the idea to make a recurring series with similar photos. Images framed by the windows through which they are viewed. I've taken a few photos last week that I'll share with you here - nothing too spectacular, I hope that as time goes on and I get better with handling my humble point-and-shoot camera I'll have more interesting ones to share later :-)

These are all taken from within my apartment, looking out of course, so here you can see the views I have from my bedroom in the evening, see the traffic going by below? (oops, you can also sort-of see my closet reflected too, see those hanging ghosts of clothes on the left side of image? haha!)

...and looking out to the weirdly-shaped balcony off my living room. The neighboring apartment buildings are not the prettiest backdrop, but at least there are trees. (See the treetop covered in white blossoms just over the railing? Those blossoms are all blowing off this week in the wind.)

...and a peek out from my kitchen/dining area - I kind of really like the grids and lines from this perspective!

{Just one thing I wanted to add... blogging insecurity moment... it feels very strange to be sharing these online, even though I'm not showing anything too terribly personal for gosh sakes! But I'm feeling a little exposed here, which is probably a good feeling to confront, right? No way of getting over those fear-based emotions if I'm hiding from them.}

Weekend Plans

2010-03-27T13:13:00.000-07:00

Happy Weekend everyone! It's a beautiful, sunny day here in northern California and I'm taking it easy, enjoying the spring air. Later on I'll be getting back to my paints, which are set up in a corner of my living room:

Contrary to the title of this blog, I don't have a studio so much as creative zones throughout my one-bedroom apartment. One of which is a large glass-and-metal computer desk which I've repurposed as a painting table (it is so much easier to clean spilled paint off glass than other surfaces).

I've been experimenting with these geometric shapes, using a watercolor-like style but in acrylic.

How about you? What are your plans for the weekend?

5 Blogs I've Been Cozying Up to Lately

2010-03-21T20:08:00.000-07:00

It may be no surprise after my last post that I love reading, well, as much as I possibly can. I would enjoy several hours to be added onto every day, just so I could read more. I'm like an addict really. I can get lost on these interwebs, and I don't think I'm the only one with this problem. So let me add some more fuel to that fire with these great blogs that you all should read, and get lost in, like I've been doing lately!

M-Dashing

A uniquely styled blog about one girl's enthusiasm for all things New York - beyond the flash and glitz, a perspective of what it's like to be a resident! Wander all around the 5 boroughs with Amy. Though not limited to posting about her locale, her love for her hometown is infectious - and her One-Bouquet-A-Week Challenge is not to be missed.

artnlight

I don't have to wonder what it would be like to travel to India someday, because I can do so anytime I wish by visiting this lively corner of the www! Vineeta's photos are so full of texture and color - oh my, how I love the colorfulness! My favorite posts are the photo tours of her homeland - check out her Indiaaah! posts to be transported to another world.

Merissa Cherie

For another insider's view into living at place where many dream to visit, walk don't run to Merissa's pastel version of Hawaii. Her light-drenched photos are simply gorgeous, reminiscent of the sensation of sunlight streaming on your face while at the beach. I find myself wishing I could walk through the computer screen and right into her inspiration board :)

Pancakes and French Fries

This is the life of a wife, mother, and attorney. Jules has a great backstory to the name of the blog - check it out here so you can be in on the joke of her "Phenomenally Indecisive Since 1972" tagline too! And read her for the wide-ranging topics, her real-ness, her forays into home-made deodorant (yes, really!) and other off-the-wall items, and her compelling visual tutorials (like the one here, which I have yet to try out but I have a tarnished teapot that reallllly needs this).

74 Lime Lane

This well-crafted blog about creativity is one I can totally get lost in! I've spent hours perusing the archives of Kellie's inspiring site. Unfortunately she's having some trouble with her ISP right now and I've only been able to access her site from work, not at home, I'm not sure why and it's really bumming me out, but there's also her Flickr and Etsy to look through! So if you follow the link you may need to try at different times of the day, but please keep trying - and check out her 74 Ways to Be Inspired series for tips, musings, and interviews with creative people.

I hope you find yourself spending some time with one of these lovely blogs, as I have! What about you? Are there any new-to-you blogs that you've been cozying up to lately?

A Little Light Reading on a Sunday

2010-03-14T17:59:00.000-07:00

This week I caught a nasty cold, the last few days have been a blur of fever and dvd's. Really not much interest in doing anything more taxing than staring at my tv screen, I couldn't even get into the magazine I tried to read. But, today I am feeling much better, although I still need to take it easy. So I'm catching up on some reading, with these three books I recently purchased.

I'm no stranger to the self-help section of the bookstore (shhh, let's keep that just between us, ok?) And I mentioned in this post that I was looking forward to Inner Productivity to help me get a handle on my lack of motivation/commitment to my goals. I haven't cracked it open yet, but I'm two-thirds of the way through The War of Art - which turned out to be so much better than I expected, and which I will read a second time as soon as I'm finished. And will probably re-read for years to come. Until it's tattooed into my brain. I don't usually underline my books, it has to be a real knock-out book to get me to take a pen or highlighter to it, and it's crazy how much of this book I have underlined already. It's a great book for anyone interested in understanding and overcoming their inner resistance - not just for art or other creative pursuits, but for anyone trying to live (in the words of Oprah) their Best Life.

Can anyone tell me where the last two weeks went?

2010-03-04T20:06:00.000-08:00

I mean, seriously.... time, like youth, seems to be wasted on the young. And I haven't been finding much time left at the end of all the many things I need to do every day, with posting here going by the wayside.

But my last two weeks have not been a complete waste! It's been pretty intense lately in the blogging class I'm taking, which is sadly nearing its end. And my little blog will be all the better for it. I've got some changes planned, one of which is I'll be adding a gallery page! So you can see at a glance some of my artwork to date once that's up. I'm hoping to have that completed within the next few days.

I know I haven't posted any of my art in a while, so here is a glimpse for you. This photo was taken during a mini-sabbatical I took at the beginning of last year, which was a treat to myself - one week that I dedicated to creative pursuits. I had a whole factory line-up going at this point, several collages that I'd done that week were about to get a final coating of acrylic varnish.

I promise to post my art more often, that is why I'm here after all, and I love sharing these little glimpses into my world. Soon... By the way, I have not been sleeping well lately. Too, too many things on my mind! This class has given me so much to think about, beyond the basics of blogging and spilling over into everything. All the things I have planned - I just want to do them. You know what I mean?

On Seeking Commitment - Part 2

2010-02-16T21:11:00.000-08:00

Last week I posted about my procrastination habit and some of my frustrations over it. I asked myself some questions: So why is it that I continually fail to commit fully to my dream? Is it because I don't like the circumstances under which I must carry forth determination? Why am I still seeking that which I should already have? I am still trying to answer these. I think I have been avoiding them for a very long time in my life, and it is entirely possible that I will be struggling with the for a long time to come. I mean, I really hope not, but hopefully acknowledging this struggle is the first step to overcoming it.

Well, darn it. I was hoping that with a few days of thought, it would all solve itself, I could come back here and tell you that I have the answer figured out & all wrapped up in a pretty bow. Well, not really, I'm not silly enough to think problems solve themselves. I sure tend to hope they will though, every time. I guess life just keeps telling me "No, think again." But I can share with you one mini-realization that I had last week:
I noticed that the larger a task is, the larger my resistance. However if I break it down into small steps - and I mean miniscule, 5-minute "micro-actions" - it helps me to get over the block. Sometimes this very no-pressure way of starting the task, is so easy that I continue and get much farther through the work. Like getting the ball rolling, I suppose. It helped on this post, it helped when I was working on that inspiration board. Heck it even helps for doing my taxes (filling in the forms just a few questions at a time, going back to finish on another day). Yes, I'm talking tiny, tiny steps here.

In a comment to one of my earlier posts, the lovely Vineeta shared the following quote, "And the day came, when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."-Anais Nin. It seems that this is more & more true as time goes by! It hurts more with each passing milestone date. Like my birthday which was this past Saturday (I don't like my new age so let's just move on ok?) Where New Year's always fills me with hope for what I can accomplish, my birthday always reminds me of what I haven't accomplished yet. I am guessing this also has something to do with why I get stuck?

Ok, I think I've rambled quite enough here for now. I'm sure I'll be bringing this up again, I just ordered a book called Inner Productivity that I'm hoping will help me get over my issue. Thanks for sticking around to read this, if you've gotten this far!

3 Views through a Window

2010-02-13T22:13:00.000-08:00

Portals have power...

One of the reasons I have the word "door" in the title of this blog is because of it's metaphorical power as a portal. Doors, and windows, imply a journey, imply something waiting on the other side, a kind of pathway to another plane of existence. What lies beyond the space you occupy, and how much of it can you sense through whatever portals stand nearby? Do you shut it out, this something that lies outside your comfort zone, or do you swing the door wide open? Fling the window open and peer out at the world beyond?

Pictures taken of the view through doorways and windows, ones in which you can still see the framework, intrigue me. There's so much more hinted at when you can see that the picture was taken in one space looking out at another. Whether the picture taken is of the view outside of a car window, or standing in a doorway taking in the scene beyond, there is always an implied journey that colors your interpretation.

Here are three of my favorite "views through a window" that I photographed during my trip to Arizona last summer.

1. Approaching Sedona

Driving from Phoenix to our destination, we'd been warned about the flash rains that happened in the hills outside of Sedona, so we were on the lookout. The rain would fall rapidly for just a few minutes, and in concentrated areas, then stop as suddenly as it began. Can you see the dark smudge of rain falling on only half the hill above?

2. Built Upon a Rock

The Chapel of the Holy Cross was built in the 1950's, and the design was the idea of a sculpture student of Frank Lloyd Wright. The structure was built into the actual rock mesa in Sedona, looking almost as if it were part of the landscape itself. Viewed from below, there's a 250-feet high cross framed by tall panes of the only window in the building. Since it's right on the edge, the view from the massive window has a great view of the surrounding area.

3. Somewhere in Arizona

I can no longer recall where this picture was taken. All I remember is that dusk was approaching and I was taking as many pictures as I could while there was still a little light. The dome could have been part of a really expensive-looking mansion we saw in Sedona (which was totally out of character for the type of architecture of most homes out there), or it could have been yet another church. This photo is more important that the scenery in that it represents me, drinking everything in, fully open to what was beyond those portals.

I'm curious if anyone else shares my enthusiasm for this idea of these views through portals? I'd like to make this a semi-regular series: snapshots of life seen from another room. Maybe on a monthly basis, or as often as my limited spare time permits. I'd love to read your comments on whether or not this is something you'd be interested to see!

Thanks & Welcome

2010-02-11T19:31:00.000-08:00

Happy Thursday, everyone! The weekend's almost here, and this evening the sky was just a little lighter as I left work. The days will be getting longer soon, which makes me happy.

I want to take a moment to welcome all the new readers who've been popping by my little space here in the last couple of weeks. And for every commenter, a big thanks for giving me the blogging equivalent of a hug! It's much appreciated :-) You guys rock!

I hope that everyone who stops by here has seen something interesting or worthwhile. I'm pretty much admitting to my vulnerabilities here, which isn't easy for me to do! I so want to make this space a welcoming one for people to visit. I have plans for this space, and I've been learning a lot in the Blogging Your Way course. This blog is a work in progress, much like my self. Improvement is the name of the game for me this year, both here and in my life.

Coming up soon I'll be posting Part 2 of the On Seeking Commitment post - although to let you in on a secret, I just started drafting it today, so I'm a little behind my one-week self-imposed deadline. (Procrastination is one one of those things I need to work on this year). I also have a post coming up for the BYW class, another homework assignment, meant to stretch my abilities as a blogger. And boy do I need to stretch!

So stay tuned for both those posts sometime over the next few days. Have a lovely rest of the week, and wherever in the world you are - I hope you have pleasant days ahead!

Inspiration Board

2010-02-07T22:57:00.000-08:00

Also called a visualization board or mood board, whatever name it's all basically the same. A pretty way to convey an idea in images, that at times can be quite powerful. I'm not sure how powerful the two below are, but it sure was fun making them. And I pulled this together from a lot of materials I had gathered over a few years, I edited down a lot, and made sure that I had a reason for every element in the board and not just because it went well with everything else.

So here's my homework for the BYW class! Enjoy :-)

I'm pretty sure we were instructed specifically to make only one board, but I cheated. They are an extension of the same idea, in any case. And I edited down so much, I just whittle it down any further. So here are the two boards and some detail shots, of Board 1:

And of Board 2:

I think the two go pretty well together, don't you? But I do like Board 2 better.

What do you think? If you're curious about any of the images in either of these boards, or why I included them, ask away in the comments :-)

Blogging confession

2010-02-07T22:34:00.000-08:00

I've been going behind your back - doing something without telling you... I'm taking a blogging class, so that I can learn how to make this little space on the internet better for... well, for me and you and anybody else who stumbles upon it. It's a class being run by a big blogging star, that's the link over there in that gray box titled BYW...Blogging Your Way.

You may have noticed I changed the blog template last week? Gone is that background dot pattern that was making me dotty every time I looked at it. I'm planning to make up my own header sometime soon and do a site re-design, so stay tuned for that. Also planning to feature my artwork more, glimpses into my process, and some other stuff in the works.

The class has been great so far, a lot of focus in these early classes have been on self-knowledge, and so the homework has been a sort of therapy in a way. Yes, I said homework! And the only person grading me is me, so I can't fake it. This next post, coming up soon, is what I did for the latest homework assignment - the first fun one! I'm excited to show it off.

And if anyone thinks the class sounds interesting, I'm pretty sure that Holly will be having another session, please check out the class description here.

On Seeking Commitment

2010-02-03T17:00:00.000-08:00

I was just reading an article on tinybuddha about the things that hold us back from our dreams. This part really stood out for me:

But if you don’t know what you’re committed to, you can’t possibly progress. A great start is to ask yourself, “What is the one thing that would upset me if, at the end of my life, I do not attempt, do, or complete?”....If there’s an immediate answer, you must commit to that.

The reason why this gave me pause, is because I asked myself this question a year and a half ago, and I got my answer. There is one thing that if I were on my deathbed I would not be able to forgive myself for never attempting, and that is making art. Not the kind of dabblings that I've been doing in my free time - I want the opportunity to immerse myself in art making, expand my abilities and develop my style. I want a lengthy chunk of time to dedicate myself to the process and to have a converation with the work.

And so I know what I want, and yet I am still blocked. It is incredibly frustrating that I still have to deal with the realities of the world, making a living and all the mundane aspects of life, when all I want to do is lock myself and my supplies into a studio for the next 6 months. Just to see what I'd be able to do. Whether or not I fail, or can create anything meaningful. I just want the chance!

So why is it that I continually fail to commit fully to my dream? Is it because I don't like the circumstances under which I must carry forth determination? Why am I still seeking that which I should already have? These are the questions I'm asking myself.... And I need to stop avoiding them.

This is part one of a two-part posting - I intend to come back (with my answers to the above questions!) next week, so stay tuned. In the meantime, please feel free to share your feelings about commitment or progress here in the comments... I'm fascinated by people how people overcome their stumbling blocks... maybe we can encourage each other!

Photo above from Studio Antwan on flickr

New Work in Progress

2010-01-24T20:15:00.000-08:00

I had an out-of-town visitor this weekend but I was able to sneak in some time to paint. Company's gone home now, but I'm trying to stay off the computer too much for what remains of the evening.

I wanted to share what I'm working on really quickly! Here's a small canvas (6in x 6in) that I started yesterday afternoon. Collaged elements from an old book about birds, and acrylic. I just need to add some more details to jazz it up a bit. What do you think?

Knit Graffiti

2010-01-10T22:14:00.000-08:00

I saw this entry on The Daily Green the other day about knit and crochet art (much of it pretty tongue-in-cheek) and I just had to look at the slideshow, even though their site is horribly slow and I consider slideshows to be painful. I mean, come on, just make it scrollable already. Anyways, I thought I'd share some of my favorites from the artists and groups featured in the article, so that you can see the goodness without dealing with the slideshow.

Knit graffiti courtesy of Knitted Landscape, an outfit that tracks knitted additions to our world via their website. Scroll through their images and you'll see knit flowers rising out of snow, crocheted cozies over rocks, and trees wearing something similar to legwarmers. The site encourages people to contribute their own modifications to their surroundings. Guerilla knitters of the world, unite!

Artist Lauren Marsden set out to cover the street signs in her hometown with knitted replicas. Over two years she outfitted the signs of every street she'd lived on in Victoria, BC. You can follow her trail here.

Knitting as a form of protest? The craft's image of home, warmth and grandmothers contrasts with this ambitious project by an artist whose first name may be Marianne (the Daily Green didn't attribute and I couldn't find her name through Google).
Volunteers knitted together pieces submitted by people all over the world. Her website states that she intends to continue with more variations of tanks until the Iraq war is over. If that's true, I can definitely spare a pink square....

And then you have Knitta Please. The originator of this whole knit graffiti art thing. I mean, how could you not love it based on the name alone? Behind Knitta is one Magda Sayeg, and she's finally joined the blogging world herself. There aren't a whole lot of posts yet about her crazy-wonderful guerilla artworks, but we should expect to see lots in the future.

Thanks, Magda!

Hope you enjoyed this little round-up of some of the funnest un-commissioned public artworks around. Keep your eyes peeled, you never know when you might come across one of these some day!

All images courtesy of the artists and websites mentioned herein.

Final (Late) Entry to Best of '09 Challenge

2010-01-02T01:07:00.001-08:00

Yes, it's now 2010 (thank god - good riddance 2009) and this entry is definitely a day or two past when I intended to write this. I swear, I really need to kick this tardiness habit I have this year! No, I didn't make it through all the daily prompts, and yes, I chose to forgive myself for this. Just resolve to do better now when I can and not beat myself up for the past anymore. Good resolutions, no?

But I really wanted to respond to the last entry, as a record for my future self, if nothing else. December 31. Resolution you wish you'd stuck with. I started out 2009 with a few things I wanted to accomplish in addition to the fairly-standard "lose weight, do yoga more often, take vitamins, etc" that I end up ignoring. I accomplished just one, a big one. But of the all the resolutions I abandoned, the one I regret the most is not opening up an Etsy store to sell my artwork. {I confess to feeling silly about even stating this here. Bashful guilt.} I'm sorry not because I think the world would beat down my door to buy my stuff, but because I didn't open myself up to risk & give myself a chance. The point would not have been to sell a single thing, but rather to make the effort. And to have more faith in myself. So, I'm making this my top resolution in 2010: Believe.

Gwen has a great round-up post of the Challenge on her blog. She's also planning something big for this year - looking forward to joining in with this one. I'll be following & posting entries on these daily prompts on my other blog ninja haiku. Observations, frustrations, and random thoughts will be blogged there. Art, art, and more art, will be posted here. No more filler on this blog, I need to hold myself accountable to practicing & talking about that here.

The end of 2009 feels like a turning point & I think this new year is going to be a good one. Here's to a wonderful 2010 for all of us!

A failure begets a lesson

2009-12-28T23:14:00.000-08:00

So, I didn't keep up with every day of the Best of '09 Challenge. Obviously, as evidenced by the week-long silence here. Sidetracked by too much contemplation, as usual. Thank goodness Gwen said we could write - or not - as we're inclined! I do feel I've let you and myself down a bit though. And I really don't like that icky guilty feeling.

One thing learned from this Challege was how I stretched big-time in a couple areas this year, while stagnating, perhaps even atrophying, in others. Like the "stretch" was at the expense of all other pursuits, maybe. Has anyone else felt that way this year? If anyone's out there reading this now who's participated in the Best of '09 Challenge, has going back over your year in this way brought about any realizations, that you may not have otherwise had?

Overwhelm

2009-12-21T22:32:00.000-08:00

I truly believe that some of the things that happen to you in life are a direct result of what you've been ignoring. For example, getting sick when you've been pushing yourself past your limits. A series of clumsiness when you're trying to speed through 40 minutes-worth of activity in just 20. Continually losing things when you're purposely avoiding dealing with an issue. It's life's little way of saying, "Hey! Wake up!"

Therefore I wonder if there's an underlying cause behind my stomachache today, or my disinterest in the upcoming holidays. It's not that I think every illness or bad thing is the result of some superstitious cause & effect. But sometimes, there's this feeling, this intuition, that it's more than an ordinary occurrence. And I do know, that when small things start to feel like yet-another-monumental-obligation in a long string of obligations, it's not a good sign.

I hope to be back here tomorrow, in a better frame of mind. And with some more Best of '09 goodness.

The Year of Getting Back to Basics

2009-12-17T21:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday when I thought over that day's prompt for the Best of 09 Challenge, I was unimpressed by my own choice, at first. It wasn't until I started thinking about today's prompt that I realized why so many of the things I chose over the course of the past year were decidedly un-glamorous. Old stand-bys have a great deal of appeal for me right now, and I'm thinking it might be the same for some of you out there as well. A really bad economy like the one we're going through now makes people rethink some of their choices. Perhaps you'd rather spend your money on something tried and true, rather than risk it on something you potentially won't like.

December 16. Tea of the year. My favorite tea lately has been Lady Gray from Twinings. A perfectly reasonable tea at a reasonable price. It's similar to the familiar and comforting Earl Gray, yet a more delicate variation. Not too strong, nor boring. A tea that you generally can't go wrong with - the kind of dependability that's comforting.

There's been so much written this year about how everyone is worried about their finances this year and how this is ushering in a new era of frugality. Some people have even claimed that the new frugality will last (I don't agree, but that's an opinion for another time). This year I've had to re-learn how to live within my means. This has nothing to do with the economy or job (in)security, this is purely a coincidence... it would have happened regardless of all that. In January I set a target date for getting my own apartment, and it was the only target I hit all year. Nothing was going to get in the way of this target, but, there were some financial compromises that will affect me for a long while.

A bit of advice to anyone who is planning a similar move: if you can stay in your current situation awhile longer, stay & get your debt paid off first. All the way, not just to within a threshold you're comfortable with. Had I waited 5 months and not taken those two short vacations, I'd have paid off my credit card completely and still have some savings. It's pitiful to have to turn down nearly every invitation for dinner, events, drinks, movies, lunch - you name it, if it ain't free I can't afford it.

So about those old stand-bys and living within your means...
December 17. A word or phrase that encapsulates your year. "2009 was about getting back to basics." Because if the first half of the year wasn't about the basics, the second half sure hammered that point home. Be frugal. Plan. Focus. Cut out the excess. Keep, buy, and do only what you absolutely can't be without. Things will get easier someday, but do what you gotta do now, and that will set you up for an even better future.

P.S. Monday I find out my raise for next year (if I even get one). Wish me the best, and I'll be wishing the same for you. I hope everyone out there gets all the prosperity they need and deserve in the next year. Now that would be something worth toasting on Jan. 1!

2009-12-15T23:49:00.000-08:00

December 15. Best packaging.

The funny thing about coming from a family that has a tendency to be packrats is that, when you move a lot as we did, you get used to never fully unpacking. Having stuff in boxes in the garage. The things inside are just not essential to your everyday living, and so you leave them boxed to be dealt with later. I had no intention of keeping stuff in boxes after my latest move - I would live as though I planned to stick around for a while.

One of my boxes had some gorgeous porcelain bowls that had never been used. Heck, they'd only left the box they were delivered in once - to be looked at and wrapped right back up in the box for safekeeping through another move. And another. And after this move, I finally unpacked them for good. I remembered exactly what they looked like - delicate turquoise glazing and all - but I'd forgotten that inside their box they'd been wrapped in paper. Not any old packing paper, I'm talking richly textured, seafoam green and flecked with silver, good quality paper. Definitely not the kind of paper you toss aside! The sheets of paper now reside in my collage scrap collection, I know that they will make their way into a piece of artwork someday. One I'll keep for myself, because it matches my bedroom! Now that's a true "gift with purchase".

A rush like flying

2009-12-14T22:56:00.000-08:00

December 14. When did you get your best rush of the year?

The best rush - a feeling of total freedom & excitement & a hint of danger - jetskiing! The first time I'd been, and it feels like flying over the water. Ok, maybe we were going really fast :-) We started out by going through the tule grass (tall reeds in the water, there's little channels in the tule that are like mazes out there) and with all the quick twists & turns it was kind of scary for a newbie like me. Then we skied through a bunch of channels, and I had a chance to calm down a bit. By the time we hit the open water of the Delta I was doing just fine!

Playing Catch-up

2009-12-13T23:46:00.000-08:00

I've had a busy weekend, helping paint an entire bedroom furniture set in that sort of antiquey-whitewashed look where some of the original wood shows through - you know what I mean, right? I'll try to get a picture when it's finished to show you all. It's been back-breaking work, that's for sure. And I've fallen behind on the Best of '09 Challenge, so trying to play a quick bit of catch-up here.

December 11. The best place.

I wish I had something as poetic as this as a best place. Beautifully done, Gwen Bell.... I think hands-down my best place all year was our Thanksgiving dinner table with my family. With tears of sadness & joy both.

December 12. New food.

Three years ago, once I got over my fear of sushi, I discovered I loved it. Two years ago, I found out how much I liked Thai food. I haven't really gone exploring new food stuff lately. Instead, I've been a little preoccupied with a new intolerance to wheat. It took me a long time to realize that the problem was due to something I was eating, and then a little longer to learn what it was. And it's been months of war: my love for cookies, bread, and pasta vs. my now-sensitive stomach. I'm only just now starting to see these foods differently - seeing the discomfort they'll give me instead of the temporary deliciousness. I have no idea why I've developed this intolerance now, I can only handle the equivalent of 2 pieces of bread in a day, any more than that and I'll be paying for it. So, my "new food" is learning how to adjust my meals to really limit wheat servings.

December 13. What's the best change you made to the place you live?

As I've mentioned before, I moved this year. I'd been living with my parents again to pay off some debt. My brother was living there too, for his own reasons. The four of us living in the same house had become a toxic environment. There's plenty of blame on all sides for us not getting along, and it would take a long time to explain our dysfunctional family dynamics. Suffice it to say that getting into my own place, where my environment is as calm as I can make it, has done me a world of good. (Oh, and my moving had a chain reaction effect on the rest of them too, my brother finally moved out two months later, and my parents are downsizing & moving themselves in a week!)

Best of '09 Challenge - Day 10!

2009-12-10T21:32:00.000-08:00

I haven't bought much music this year, even though I really love it. Having very, very little discretionary income to play around with this year, I've been listening to the radio and Pandora a lot more than usual. And I can count the number of singles I bought on two hands! I'm going to have to fudge this one....

December 10 Album of the year. What's rocking your world?

Well, the last album that I bought was The Fame by Lady Gaga. As a digital download, even though I still think CD's have a richer sound than digital... (digital was cheaper). And I bought it just before New Years Eve last year, so that's pretty close to this year, isn't it? It was my favorite album for a little while, until I got sick to death of how much the radio stations overplay her songs on the rotation. But once in a while I'll put the album back on after I hear her on the radio, I've always liked how listening to an album is like listening to a journey.

The year's biggest challenge

2009-12-09T21:22:00.000-08:00

Hi there, are any of you feeling as tired as I am right now? Way past time for me to go to bed, even though it's still early - I will never catch up on missed sleep at this rate. Darn you, new neighbors, for slamming doors & being generally noisy every night between midnight & 1 am! To the Challenge, and then I really must retire for the evening.

December 9. Something that really made you grow this year.

Well that of course would be moving out all on my own. Now I have lived with roommates, and my (ex)boyfriend, and a couple of stints of sleeping on my parents living room floor for months at a time when things didn't work out. But I moved just 3 months ago and this is the first time I've lived completely alone. No one else to help out with chores or make sure the fridge is stocked, cook dinner, or get the bills paid. No one to abdicate responsibility to - no, it's a grown-up world and I have to be a grown-up girl now. There is no Prince Charming here, and I have to be strong for myself.

Stay-cation

2009-12-08T22:01:00.000-08:00

Hmm, my first post in the Best of '09 Challenge was a week ago, and I've managed to post every day so far. Mini-success! I'm glad for such an inspiring Challenge to keep me writing.

December 8 Moment of peace. An hour or a day or a week of solitude. What was the quality of your breath? The state of your mind? How did you get there?

I've had brief moments of peace during attempts to meditate, ones where every care seems to melt away and I feel connected to the source of life & all of existence. These moments are few and far between for me. Probably because I don't try hard or often enough, or when I really need to feel that peace. But I did have a week of near-solitude the very first week of this past January - well, I had a week off from work, ie my day job. Not a vacation, rushing from place to place, more of a "stay-cation". I took the week solely to recoup myself mentally and to have time devoted to working on my artwork.

I got up every day when I was ready, not to rush off to someplace I'd rather not be, but to approach my artwork and meet myself really - to say, what is it that I can do, is this what would make me happy? There answered from within a resounding yes, I could do what means something to me, would be free, would lose the tension I carry with me every day, could be myself. This is when I made the mental switch to thinking of my job as a day job, preparing myself for a time when I can do what I love for a living. The time hasn't come yet, but I relished the taste I got of such a time during that week.

Showing some "blog love"

2009-12-07T22:57:00.000-08:00

Would it be totally cheesy if I said the best blog I discovered this year was that of Gwen Bell, originator of this Best of '09 Challenge? If so, I can't help it, it's true!

December 7. That gem of a blog you can't believe you didn't know about until this year.

I only discovered Gwen's blog a few weeks ago, and I can't believe I've been missing out! She has so much wonderful content, and it spans a lot of different subjects. I find each of her posts engaging. She has a feature on the side of her blog, linking to stuff she's read recently online, and if I had more hours in the day I'd follow over to those too, because she has a keen sense of things that are both interesting & informative.

But I really must show a few runners-up. Three to round out the four blogs I now visit on a near-daily basis, time allowing:

The Art of Non-Conformity by Chris Guillebeau (I talked about one of his articles here)
White Hot Truth by Danielle LaPorte
& LifeBlazing by Erika Harris

I don't think it's a coincidence that I discovered all of these within a few days of each other... Would that be considered synchronicity, or convergence?

Best Online Class

2009-12-07T00:00:00.000-08:00

I almost forgot to post today's part of the Best of '09 Challenge! Tsk tsk... silly me.

December 6. Was there a conference or workshop you attended that was especially beneficial?

I'm not one to attend those kind of things, but I did take a class that I was great. It's called In the Fishbowl: Life As An Artist Online, by Marisa Haedike of Creative Thursday. And yes it was an online course, for artistic types who want to share their creative passion online. Like me! I met a lot of wonderful people and there was a wealth of information shared, and I haven't even had the time to implement a quarter of the knowledge I gained. Which reminds me of how little artwork I've done (let alone shared here) since the class ended. Sigh. I'm looking forward to having the mental energy to do some real work once the craziness known as year-end at my day job is over with.

Wherein I realize I may be getting too old for nightclubs

2009-12-05T21:33:00.000-08:00

One of the guidelines of the Best of '09 Challenge is that you can participate or modify at will... If you can't really speak about a "best", you can go with a "worst" for example. I'm going to do that now:

December 5. Did you have a night out with friends or a loved one that rocked your world?

Well, if by "rocked" you mean made me realize that I'm totally over going out, then by all means it was one night out with the girls this summer. The birthday girl wanted to go to a comedy club, and the bar across the street afterwards. Here are some of the highlights of the evening:

- Tequila shots in the parking lot before heading out, easily the best part of the night. It was mostly downhill from there.

- Waiting in line for an hour outside the comedy club because the early show ran over.

- I'm sure you don't want to know this, but the most god-awful stench I've ever had the displeasure of experiencing emanating from the comedy club's restrooms, making the entire upper floor reek. Now think of how long the line can get outside of a ladies' room. I've never seen the line go so quickly.

- The comedian extending the show for us too, a "bad economy special" to thank us all for spending our hard-earned money. The only reason why the night wasn't a total waste.

- Not getting to the bar until an hour before last call, and none of us wanting to get a drink so close to closing time.

- Being sober when surrounded by drunk people totally sucks.

- All the young kids at the bar were weird. I can't believe I consider people in their 20's to be kids now. I only left my 20's behind four years ago!

- Memo to the you, the only cute guy in the place whom I totally ignored after you started to dance with me: Bobbing up & down is not dancing.

I think that about sums it up. I don't remember at which point I realized the bar was lame, but I haven't been back in either a bar or club since then.

P.S. I forgot to mention - you know how girls hate it when someone else wears the same outfit? First time this has happened to me. Picture one of my friends wearing the exact same top as me (in a different color), similar jeans, similar heels, similar jewelry, even similar haircolor because we'd both just dyed it and didn't know the other had too.

I finally got my bookcases!

2009-12-04T20:40:00.000-08:00

Which means that I've unpacked a whole lot of books, all that's left to unpack are a few of my crafty items and then I'll be all moved in! (yes, now that I've been here for 3 months). It was nice to see all my old friends that have been boxed up for so long. I love books!

December 4. What book - fiction or non - touched you?

Trying to answer the next Best of '09 question, I got totally stuck. Kept thinking of great books I'd read in the last 2 or 3 years. This year what I've read is either non-fiction books that honestly didn't have much more info than the (much better) ones I'd read the previous year, and my typical sci-fi & vampire paperback fare. Nothing spectacular, I don't even have the Twilight series yet. But then I scanned my bookcase and remembered that I read this one earlier this year:

People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks. It follows the creation of a religious text with paintings inside (a heresy way back in the day) and it's travels throughout hundreds of years. It's a good view into some of the Jewish/Catholic/Muslim tensions through the ages. Long sections of the story are told from the viewpoint of the book's various caretakers at certain points in time. I liked it a lot because of that, and it also reminded me of the movie The Red Violin, which similarly follows the owners of a distinguished violin at various times. That movie's in my top 20 favorites (I always have such a hard time narrowing favorites down to 1 or 2 - why not 10 or 50?).

Article

2009-12-03T22:51:00.000-08:00

3 days blogging in a week is far better than I've done in a while. Let's keep on building the momentum with the Best of '09 Challenge, shall we?

December 3 - What's an article that you read that blew you away?

I'd like to preface this with a side-conversation: Does the traditional article mean anything anymore? I mean, the ones published in magazines or newspapers, or other places of "authority". I can't remember any traditional article I've read in the last couple years that stands out for me. Oh, I know I've read them. They just don't strike a chord with me anymore, the way that things I read on the internet do. And by internet of course I mean blogs not the websites of the "establishment". In this day and age anyone who blogs, facebooks, tweets, etc, can consider themselves a "publisher" can't they? After all they are making content available for others to read.

Ok, moving on.

The *best* article I read this year was How To Conduct Your Own Annual Review by Chris Guillebeau. (You can also find him here. I think I will find him there soon. Twitter, I think you will have another convert coming your way before too long - me!) I've read plenty of stuff about setting goals, so you can get to your dreams, blah blah blah... but when I read his article I suddenly got it. Like, it's not all about looking at the list of stuff you're failing to complete with every second of every day and feeling like utterly miserable. I love how he starts the next year's goal-planning by recognizing what went well this year. Kind of like how I feel like 2009 wasn't so great, but participating in the Best of '09 Challenge here is reminding me that there was lots of good stuff along with the bad. Plus, the spreadsheet he gives for tracking goals & projects is right up my alley (I'm an Excel freak, I admit it).

I think the reason this is the article I consider the best is because it touches on so much of what I'm going through in my life right now. What do I really want out of life and how the heck do I get there, because what I'm doing now sure isn't working for me. This article hit me like a flash. I cannot wait to do my own annual review at the end of this year... Thanks, Chris, for reminding us all that it's ok to want want to live unconventional, remarkable lives!

Senses: Sight vs. Taste

2009-12-02T22:29:00.000-08:00

I'm back for Day 2 of the Best of '09 Challenge! Go here if you're interested in joining in the fun.

December 2 - Best Restaurant Moment

My most memorable restaurant experience this year happened in a small, pub-type restaurant in San Luis Obispo, CA, that I can't even remember the name of or what the food was like. I was on a trip to the area with my cousin and we just happened in there because, well, it was about lunchtime and we were hungry. But the memory has nothing to do with the restaurant really - I have to start with the college kids we saw hanging out down the block before we decided to stop in. They were carrying on and looked a bit odd from the distance. After we were seated inside and had given our orders, the same kids come into the place. With 70's-era work clothes, funky wigs on, a camera following their every move, and a mixture of rehearsed lines and impromptu antics.

Action! They proceeded to sit at the table next to us for the next 20 minutes, pretending to have conversations with each other - yes, they really were lip-syncing the conversations! - and my cousin & I spent the next half an hour pretending not to stare at them & wondering what their film-in-the-making was supposed to be about.

I guess you could say Sight won that round (nothing unusual to me!)

Best of 2009 Challenge - Day 1

2009-12-01T22:18:00.000-08:00

I've recently discovered a few blogs that I absolutely adore for the motivation & positivity they inspire. One of them is by Gwen Bell, and she's got this awesome Best of 2009 Challenge going for the month of December. There's a great prompt for each day, all you've gotta do to join in is post. Whenever you choose, via blog, Twitter, etc. Sounded like lots of fun to play along, so I'll try post each day if I can. (Hey, it's even inspiring me to check out what this whole Twitter thing is about anyways.)

December 1 - What was your best trip of 2009?

Without a doubt, girl's weekend in Arizona in the middle of July. I know, a hot place in the middle of summer? But hey I like the heat, not to mention the excuse to wear very short shorts. And, it was stunningly gorgeous in Sedona where we stayed. Who knew rocks could be so awe-inspiring?

We also took a day-trip over to the Grand Canyon. All I can say is, no picture could ever do it justice. Wow. I couldn't stop staring. I have no idea how some people can hike all the way down to the bottom - let along hike back up! - it's so vast. I would have walked all around the rim trails - the ones safely at the top - if it had been up to me (due to some health issues with other ladies in our group, we took the shuttles around.)

But aside from the beauty of nature, what stood out the most for me was the energy. I'm not known for being an energetic person. For some reason, I felt more alive & energetic there than I can remember feeling in a long time. I just wanted to go, and keep going, and do and see more.

I love that feeling!

Happy (Belated) Thanksgiving!

2009-11-30T22:01:00.000-08:00

Hello all, just wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving to all of you! I know it's a little late, but better late than never, and I hope that anybody reading this right now from someplace other than the US can take a moment to think of what they are grateful for in their lives. Because that is what the true meaning of this holiday is for us here.

I spent the holiday & weekend at my cousin's house, it was so nice to be under the same roof with several visiting family members for a while. A few years ago, when my aunt was diagnosed with cancer, we started a new family tradition. At the end of Thanksgiving dinner, each person at the table takes a turn to speak about one of the things they are grateful for... Usually once we each start talking, we keep on going with many things! This time around was hard for us as it was the second Thanksgiving without my aunt, and the holiday also fell on what would have been my aunt & uncle's wedding anniversary.... I'm so grateful for the family I do have, and everyone I was able to share the holiday with.

Hope you all have a wonderful week ahead of you... Here's looking forward to December!

My printer is all set up...

2009-11-09T00:19:00.000-08:00

...and waiting for me to use it! I had completely forgot to order some paper when I ordered the printer - duh, Christina, what else would I print on? - so while I'm waiting for that delivery, I've been trying to figure out how to use Photoshop. Not so easy for me. I don't understand layers, etc...yet. But I am determined to learn! Here's a pic of it's new home, that's a standard 8.5x11 page in it, see how it's dwarfed by the beast?

I haven't been working on any collages lately, so this afternoon I pasted a few quick pages together. Nothing special, kind of going through the motions - practice, I suppose.

Not much else to report. It's been a fast week & weekend, and I should be going to bed now to start it all over again. Hope you all had a lovely weekend and talk to you soon!

Good morning...

2009-11-03T06:53:00.000-08:00

...it's me checking in after about a week! Sorry to have been gone for so long. I seriously don't know where the time went. Hope you all have been having fun while I was "away". Did you have a nice Halloween? I didn't do anything to celebrate it this year - does that make me totally uncreative? I think I'm in denial about it being November already....

I have a little confession, a full week ago my new printer was delivered, and I haven't done a thing with it yet. Well I actually had it sent to my parent's house - I wish my apartment complex would sign for my deliveries for me, but no - and it's still sitting at their home. I need to hurry up, so I can start using it! In anticipation of being able to print lovely photos at home, I've decided I really need to learn how to use Photoshop. So my good pictures can be great! Why do all those graphics and photo programs make me feel like an idiot? Need to conquer that already.

Here's to what I hope will be an educational week!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

2009-10-28T07:19:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've been so absent, and miss writing & reading all the wonderful blogs I like to frequent. The last week or so I've been dealing with a lot of back and neck pain. I think anyone with health issues could probably tell you about times when their bodies just said "look you've got to deal with this" and it just took over their lives for awhile. Unfortunately this has been one of those times for me, and I've had to stop and look real closely at what I'm doing that is and isn't working to manage my pain. How I wish I could make larger changes in my life right now that would help even more! Oh I dream of not having to sit for 8+ hours a day hunched over paperwork on an uncomfortable chair at my day job....

So, between being busy at work, dealing with pain, renewed activity in yoga for pain management (which is making all my other muscles sore!), setting up my new computer and printer, I've been a very busy tired girl! But I couldn't go another day without checking in here. I hope all of you have been doing well! Take care of yourselves, always...

2009-10-22T22:02:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling blah the last couple days. This little guy here makes it a little better. Chillin' in his favorite spot near his grass...

And all through listening to my online class tonight he's been trying to get my attention, like he is here. Just look at that well-fed belly!

(Yes, that is a box you see, left over from my move about 7 weeks ago. Almost all of my books and art supplies are still in boxes right now, waiting for their own home. Still waiting for those bookcases... why did I think painting the old ones would be a good idea, exactly?)

Hope you all have been having a better week than mine. So glad tomorrow's Friday!

sometimes it's like that

2009-10-19T22:14:00.000-07:00

Have you ever sat down to do something creative, and nothing felt right? The mind a whirlwind of scattered thoughts, no inspiration in sight. So you pull out that sketchpad & just start moving the pencil over it, in hopes something will form.

But forcing never works.... And so you figure today is just not the day for it, despite what you'd hoped to accomplish. And lo and behold, a mere 20 minutes later, after turning you attention completely to something else -

Voila!

- a completely new idea springs forth in your mind, a fully imagined compostition. And maybe, this new thing even has the potential to bridge disparate elements of your body of work so far, which you'd thought didn't go together at all, and feared made you look scattered in your efforts.

Sometimes, it's like that.

Weekend Progress

2009-10-18T22:54:00.000-07:00

The end of the weekend is here, unfortunately...although it was lovely and relaxing. I hope all of yours were nice as well :-)

I got one more collage laid out, see below... And I ordered a printer! The Epson R1900, one I've been researching for a little while. Finally saw some test prints at the store - actually in a book, comparing Epson's top 3 wide-format printers (well, the top 3 for less than $1,000.00, that is). I'm so excited that I'll be able to print lovely, quality images soon!

While I was at it, I also ordered a new computer from HP. I love my little HP Mini Netbook so much, that little red-with-pink-flowers cuteness that you see peeking out of the corner of the pic above - but, while it's very pretty and very portable, the small screen is difficult to work with to process images, and I decided to splurge on a dedicated machine for my coming-soon Etsy business. I even have a repayment plan all figured out for the financing on the computer - thanks to my good friend S. who taught me budgeting & financial projections. I feel so business-like now!

I have to admit that planning for my online store, getting my artwork ready to introduce to the world, really committing to moving forward with this dream I have of being a successful artist, is really starting to take over my life now. There is not much else that I'd rather be doing right now :-)

Another Collage

2009-10-13T21:08:00.000-07:00

This one is another in the series I'm working on, the overall series I plan to call The Chase. It's inspired by the idea of a man seeing a woman across the room, and he just has to meet her, and she sees and makes him chase after her. Not in a stalker-ish way at all, this being a romanticized notion.

I'm still not sure about the composition. I couldn't decide between the two background papers, then thought to combine them this way (yes I still need to trim the right side even with the left). They're actually a dark minky brown and a dark, rich cream color, look a bit better in real life than what I captured here. I'm curious - what do you think of the composition?

How was your Monday?

2009-10-12T23:10:00.000-07:00

Mine was good, for a Monday....It's supposed to rain tomorrow though. Which means I should get up earlier tomorrow for the traffic, since Californians do not know how to drive in the rain. Fall has definitely set in, boo! Hard to believe just 2 or 3 weeks ago it was triple-digits in the Central Valley and I had a little sunburn. Our indian summer here in NorCal seemed shorter this year - but then again, summer never, ever lasts long enough for me.

I have to take a moment to thank everyone who left comments for me! What a nice welcome for my new blog. My classmates from the Fishbowl are fantastically supportive of each other, it is great to be part of such a community :-)

I just put up a pic of myself finally, after taking a mess of pictures of myself and not liking any. This one will do though I guess. I have another Work-In-Progress collage to show off tomorrow, as I hope to have time to post. See you soon!

3 semi-finished collages

2009-10-08T12:54:00.001-07:00

I need to put a couple coats of varnish, and sit them under a heavy book or something to get the edges to uncurl... But getting 3 glued down in one day is really productive for me.

Check-In

2009-10-06T19:47:00.000-07:00

Well it's the end of the day, or close enough that I've thrown in my towel for the day. And I'm happy to report success! I got three collages pasted up, they just need some time for the paper to uncurl and then a few coats of varnish to seal & smooth. These are from the layous that I was trying out for the past week or so, in my earlier worktable picture. I'll try to post a few pics of the finished results when I get a chance, but for now I'm all out of energy.

So I was successful at keeping my promises to myself today, I am sure that a big part of it was that I planned to report back here...don't want to make myself look bad after all, haha. Aside from a quick trip out to buy more acrylic medium to glue the collages, and a longer break for a nap.

Now off to veg out for the evening...

Dedication

2009-10-06T09:17:00.000-07:00

I've read that if you just show up, every day, the work will get better and the muse will visit. That it's not so much about creating from genius every time, but about being there for the practice. This is extremely difficult for me - I resist any semblance of routine, procrastinate, try to multi-task, drive myself to distraction, and that just ain't cuttin it.

Over the weekend I tried my best to stay off the computer, and focus on what I need to get done instead of surfing blogs and streaming media. It sort of worked, but not all that great. And here I am at home today, fighting off some bug & so I'm not at the j-o-b, and I have the time & opportunity to do some artwork. But I can feel a multitude of distractions calling my name.

So, I need to make myself a few promises today. No, I will not turn on the tv while I'm working. No, I will not run out to the store to "get a couple things" until after I've put in some time working. No, I will not get on the internet until this evening (ok as soon as I put this away). I will do my best to put aside any nagging thoughts of "oh I need to do this", "I should do that",

Let's see how this goes. Will check back in later. Hope everyone has a lovely day!

Pictures - work in progress

2009-10-01T21:11:00.000-07:00

I've had this idea for a collage series in my head for a few months now, and been saving magazine clippings for it. Finally had a chance to crop the clippings and lay them all out to play with potential compositions this past Sunday and Monday evenings. They're in that stacked-rectangle style I've been working in this year. Here's a couple shots of my "worktable" aka coffee table (nothing's been touched in 3 days! not even the remotes.) Where does all my free time go? It wasn't the tv, not this time.

Side note - One of the things mentioned today in the e-course I'm taking is the need for a picture of yourself for your online presence. I really have to say I've never been into pictures of myself. So, there's a pic of my hair over to the right. For now, until I can get something better.

Welcome!

2009-10-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

Ok, this is my new endeavor.... my attempt to put in one place my journey of becoming a working artist, my struggle with the transition from just surviving with a day job to flourishing with a wonderful creative life, and overcoming all that holds me back from living the life I want to lead.

At the studio door... This is how I often feel... Like I'm looking in at someone I want to be without the ability to cross the threshold and become that person. I yearn to inch my way across that entry hopefully sooner than later.

My other blog with the funny name, ninja haiku, I will keep up for the occasional random bits that float through my mind or catch my attention.